Not George Washington — an Autobiographical NovelWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
Not George Washington — an Autobiographical Novel
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Humorous stories
On his day Gresham could write the column and have a hundred lines over
by ten o’clock. I, too, found plenty of copy as a rule, though I
continued my practice of doing a few paragraphs overnight. But every
now and then fearful days would come, when the papers were empty of
material for our purposes, and when two out of every half-dozen
paragraphs which we did succeed in hammering out were returned deleted
on the editor’s proof.
The tension at these times used to be acute. The head printer would
send up a relay of small and grubby boys to remind us that “On Your
Way” was fifty lines short. At ten o’clock he would come in person, and
be plaintive.
Gresham, the old hand, applied to such occasions desperate remedies. He
would manufacture out of even the most pointless item of news two
paragraphs by adding to his first the words, “This reminds us of Mr.
Punch’s famous story.” He would then go through the bound volumes of
_Punch_—we had about a dozen in the room—with lightning speed until he
chanced upon a more or less appropriate tag.
Those were mornings when verses would be padded out from three stanzas
to five, Gresham turning them out under fifteen minutes. He had a
wonderful facility for verse.
As a last expedient one fell back upon a standing column, a moth-eaten
collection of alleged jests which had been set up years ago to meet the
worst emergencies. It was, however, considered a confession of weakness
and a degradation to use this column.
We had also in our drawer a book of American witticisms, published in
New York. To cut one out, preface it with “A good American story comes
to hand,” and pin it on a slip was a pleasing variation of the usual
mode of constructing a paragraph. Gresham and I each had our favourite
method. Personally, I had always a partiality for dealing with
“buffers.” “The brakes refused to act, and the train struck the buffers
at the end of the platform” invariably suggested that if elderly
gentlemen would abstain from loitering on railway platforms, they would
not get hurt in this way.
Gresham had a similar liking for “turns.” “The performance at the
Frivoli Music Hall was in full swing when the scenery was noticed to be
on fire. The audience got a turn. An extra turn.”
Julian Eversleigh, to whom I told my experiences on the _Orb_, said he
admired the spirit with which I entered into my duties. He said,
moreover, that I had a future before me, not only as a journalist, but
as a writer.
Nor, indeed, could I help seeing for myself that I was getting on. I
was making a fair income now, and had every prospect of making a much
better one. My market was not restricted. Verses, articles, and fiction
from my pen were being accepted with moderate regularity by many of the
minor periodicals. My scope was growing distinctly wider. I found, too,
that my work seemed to meet with a good deal more success when I sent
it in from the _Orb_, with a letter to the editor on _Orb_ notepaper.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account