Note Book of an English Opium-EaterDe Quincey, Thomas
Philosophy
Note Book of an English Opium-Eater
De Quincey, Thomas
Opium abuse -- England
In the tumult of agonizing thoughts that very soon surprised her,
naturally it became hard for her to recall distinctly the whole succession
of doubts, and jealousies, and shadowy misgivings that soon opened upon
her. But, so far as could be collected, she had not in the first moment of
reaching home noticed anything decisively alarming. In very many cities
bells are the main instruments for communicating between the street and
the interior of houses: but in London knockers prevail. At Marr's there
was both a knocker and a bell. Mary rang, and at the same time very gently
knocked. She had no fear of disturbing her master or mistress; _them_
she made sure of finding still up. Her anxiety was for the baby, who being
disturbed, might again rob her mistress of a night's rest. And she well
knew that, with three people all anxiously awaiting her return, and by
this time, perhaps, seriously uneasy at her delay, the least audible
whisper from herself would in a moment bring one of them to the door. Yet
how is this? To her astonishment, but with the astonishment came creeping
over her an icy horror, no stir nor murmur was heard ascending from the
kitchen. At this moment came back upon her, with shuddering anguish, the
indistinct image of the stranger in the loose dark coat, whom she had seen
stealing along under the shadowy lamp-light, and too certainly watching
her master's motions: keenly she now reproached herself that, under
whatever stress of hurry, she had not acquainted Mr. Marr with the
suspicious appearances. Poor girl! she did not then know that, if this
communication could have availed to put Marr upon his guard, it had
reached him from another quarter; so that her own omission, which had in
reality arisen under her hurry to execute her master's commission, could
not be charged with any bad consequences. But all such reflections this
way or that were swallowed up at this point in over-mastering panic. That
her double summons _could_ have been unnoticed--this solitary fact in
one moment made a revelation of horror. One person might have fallen
asleep, but two--but three--_that_ was a mere impossibility. And even
supposing all three together with the baby locked in sleep, still how
unaccountable was this utter--utter silence! Most naturally at this moment
something like hysterical horror overshadowed the poor girl, and now at
last she rang the bell with the violence that belongs to sickening terror.
This done, she paused: self-command enough she still retained, though fast
and fast it was slipping away from her, to bethink herself--that, if any
overwhelming accident _had_ compelled both Marr and his apprentice-boy to
leave the house in order to summon surgical aid from opposite quarters--a
thing barely supposable--still, even in that case Mrs. Marr and her infant
would be left; and some murmuring reply, under any extremity, would be
elicited from the poor mother. To pause, therefore, to impose stern
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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