I visit a friend, find him at supper; there are many guests. It is very gay; I am glad to chatter with the women and drink wine. A wonderfully pleasant mood. Suddenly up gets N. with an air of importance, as though he were a public prosecutor, and makes a speech in my honor. "The magician of words ... ideals ... in our time when ideals grow dim ... you are sowing wisdom, undying things...." I feel as if I had had a cover over me and that now the cover had been taken off and some one was aiming a pistol at me. * * * * * After the speech--a murmur of conversation, then silence. The gayety has gone. "You must speak now," says my neighbor. But what can I say? I would gladly throw the bottle at him. And I go to bed with some sediment in my soul. "Look what a fool sits among you!" * * * * * The maid, when she makes the bed, always puts the slippers under the bed close to the wall. The fat master, unable to bear it any longer, gives the maid notice. It turns out that the doctor told her to put the slippers as far as possible under the bed so as to cure the man of his obesity. * * * * * The club blackballed a respectable man because all of the members were out of humor; they ruined his prospects. * * * * * A large factory. The young employer plays the superior to all and is rude to the employees who have University degrees. Only the gardener, a German, has the courage to be offended: "How dare you, gold bag?" * * * * * A tiny little schoolboy with the name of Trachtenbauer. * * * * * Whenever he reads in the newspaper about the death of a great man, he wears mourning. * * * * * In the theatre. A gentleman asks a lady to take her hat off, as it is in his way. Grumbling, disagreeableness, entreaties. At last a confession: "Madam, I am the author of the play." She answered: "I don't care." * * * * * In order to act wisely it is not enough to be wise (Dostoevsky). * * * * * A. and B. have a bet. A. wins the wager, by eating twelve cutlets; B. does not pay even for the cutlets. * * * * * It is terrible to dine every day with a person who stammers and says stupid things. * * * * * Glancing at a plump, appetizing woman: "It is not a woman, it is a full moon." * * * * * From her face one would imagine that under her stays she has got gills. * * * * * For a farce: Kapiton Ivanovitch Boil. * * * * * An income-tax inspector and an excise official, in order to justify their occupations to themselves, say spontaneously: "It is an interesting profession, there is a lot of work, it is a live occupation."