Political fiction; Russia -- History -- 1801-1917 -- Fiction; Russia -- Officials and employees -- Fiction
and sole vocation of every intelligent man is babble, that is, the
intentional pouring of water through a sieve?
VI
Oh, if I had done nothing simply from laziness! Heavens, how I should
have respected myself, then. I should have respected myself because I
should at least have been capable of being lazy; there would at least
have been one quality, as it were, positive in me, in which I could
have believed myself. Question: What is he? Answer: A sluggard; how
very pleasant it would have been to hear that of oneself! It would mean
that I was positively defined, it would mean that there was something
to say about me. “Sluggard”—why, it is a calling and vocation, it is a
career. Do not jest, it is so. I should then be a member of the best
club by right, and should find my occupation in continually respecting
myself. I knew a gentleman who prided himself all his life on being a
connoisseur of Lafitte. He considered this as his positive virtue, and
never doubted himself. He died, not simply with a tranquil, but with a
triumphant conscience, and he was quite right, too. Then I should have
chosen a career for myself, I should have been a sluggard and a
glutton, not a simple one, but, for instance, one with sympathies for
everything sublime and beautiful. How do you like that? I have long had
visions of it. That “sublime and beautiful” weighs heavily on my mind
at forty But that is at forty; then—oh, then it would have been
different! I should have found for myself a form of activity in keeping
with it, to be precise, drinking to the health of everything “sublime
and beautiful.” I should have snatched at every opportunity to drop a
tear into my glass and then to drain it to all that is “sublime and
beautiful.” I should then have turned everything into the sublime and
the beautiful; in the nastiest, unquestionable trash, I should have
sought out the sublime and the beautiful. I should have exuded tears
like a wet sponge. An artist, for instance, paints a picture worthy of
Gay. At once I drink to the health of the artist who painted the
picture worthy of Gay, because I love all that is “sublime and
beautiful.” An author has written _As you will:_ at once I drink to the
health of “anyone you will” because I love all that is “sublime and
beautiful.”
I should claim respect for doing so. I should persecute anyone who
would not show me respect. I should live at ease, I should die with
dignity, why, it is charming, perfectly charming! And what a good round
belly I should have grown, what a treble chin I should have
established, what a ruby nose I should have coloured for myself, so
that everyone would have said, looking at me: “Here is an asset! Here
is something real and solid!” And, say what you like, it is very
agreeable to hear such remarks about oneself in this negative age.
VII
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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