Political fiction; Russia -- History -- 1801-1917 -- Fiction; Russia -- Officials and employees -- Fiction
I smiled contemptuously and walked up and down the other side of the
room, opposite the sofa, from the table to the stove and back again. I
tried my very utmost to show them that I could do without them, and yet
I purposely made a noise with my boots, thumping with my heels. But it
was all in vain. They paid no attention. I had the patience to walk up
and down in front of them from eight o’clock till eleven, in the same
place, from the table to the stove and back again. “I walk up and down
to please myself and no one can prevent me.” The waiter who came into
the room stopped, from time to time, to look at me. I was somewhat
giddy from turning round so often; at moments it seemed to me that I
was in delirium. During those three hours I was three times soaked with
sweat and dry again. At times, with an intense, acute pang I was
stabbed to the heart by the thought that ten years, twenty years, forty
years would pass, and that even in forty years I would remember with
loathing and humiliation those filthiest, most ludicrous, and most
awful moments of my life. No one could have gone out of his way to
degrade himself more shamelessly, and I fully realised it, fully, and
yet I went on pacing up and down from the table to the stove. “Oh, if
you only knew what thoughts and feelings I am capable of, how cultured
I am!” I thought at moments, mentally addressing the sofa on which my
enemies were sitting. But my enemies behaved as though I were not in
the room. Once—only once—they turned towards me, just when Zverkov was
talking about Shakespeare, and I suddenly gave a contemptuous laugh. I
laughed in such an affected and disgusting way that they all at once
broke off their conversation, and silently and gravely for two minutes
watched me walking up and down from the table to the stove, _taking no
notice of them_. But nothing came of it: they said nothing, and two
minutes later they ceased to notice me again. It struck eleven.
“Friends,” cried Zverkov getting up from the sofa, “let us all be off
now, _there!_”
“Of course, of course,” the others assented. I turned sharply to
Zverkov. I was so harassed, so exhausted, that I would have cut my
throat to put an end to it. I was in a fever; my hair, soaked with
perspiration, stuck to my forehead and temples.
“Zverkov, I beg your pardon,” I said abruptly and resolutely.
“Ferfitchkin, yours too, and everyone’s, everyone’s: I have insulted
you all!”
“Aha! A duel is not in your line, old man,” Ferfitchkin hissed
venomously.
It sent a sharp pang to my heart.
“No, it’s not the duel I am afraid of, Ferfitchkin! I am ready to fight
you tomorrow, after we are reconciled. I insist upon it, in fact, and
you cannot refuse. I want to show you that I am not afraid of a duel.
You shall fire first and I shall fire into the air.”
“He is comforting himself,” said Simonov.
“He’s simply raving,” said Trudolyubov.
“But let us pass. Why are you barring our way? What do you want?”
Zverkov answered disdainfully.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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