Political fiction; Russia -- History -- 1801-1917 -- Fiction; Russia -- Officials and employees -- Fiction
I will continue calmly concerning persons with strong nerves who do not
understand a certain refinement of enjoyment. Though in certain
circumstances these gentlemen bellow their loudest like bulls, though
this, let us suppose, does them the greatest credit, yet, as I have
said already, confronted with the impossible they subside at once. The
impossible means the stone wall! What stone wall? Why, of course, the
laws of nature, the deductions of natural science, mathematics. As soon
as they prove to you, for instance, that you are descended from a
monkey, then it is no use scowling, accept it for a fact. When they
prove to you that in reality one drop of your own fat must be dearer to
you than a hundred thousand of your fellow-creatures, and that this
conclusion is the final solution of all so-called virtues and duties
and all such prejudices and fancies, then you have just to accept it,
there is no help for it, for twice two is a law of mathematics. Just
try refuting it.
“Upon my word, they will shout at you, it is no use protesting: it is a
case of twice two makes four! Nature does not ask your permission, she
has nothing to do with your wishes, and whether you like her laws or
dislike them, you are bound to accept her as she is, and consequently
all her conclusions. A wall, you see, is a wall ... and so on, and so
on.”
Merciful Heavens! but what do I care for the laws of nature and
arithmetic, when, for some reason I dislike those laws and the fact
that twice two makes four? Of course I cannot break through the wall by
battering my head against it if I really have not the strength to knock
it down, but I am not going to be reconciled to it simply because it is
a stone wall and I have not the strength.
As though such a stone wall really were a consolation, and really did
contain some word of conciliation, simply because it is as true as
twice two makes four. Oh, absurdity of absurdities! How much better it
is to understand it all, to recognise it all, all the impossibilities
and the stone wall; not to be reconciled to one of those
impossibilities and stone walls if it disgusts you to be reconciled to
it; by the way of the most inevitable, logical combinations to reach
the most revolting conclusions on the everlasting theme, that even for
the stone wall you are yourself somehow to blame, though again it is as
clear as day you are not to blame in the least, and therefore grinding
your teeth in silent impotence to sink into luxurious inertia, brooding
on the fact that there is no one even for you to feel vindictive
against, that you have not, and perhaps never will have, an object for
your spite, that it is a sleight of hand, a bit of juggling, a
card-sharper’s trick, that it is simply a mess, no knowing what and no
knowing who, but in spite of all these uncertainties and jugglings,
still there is an ache in you, and the more you do not know, the worse
the ache.
IV
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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