Notes of hospital life from November, 1861, to August, 1863Anonymous
History
Notes of hospital life from November, 1861, to August, 1863
Anonymous
United States -- History -- Civil War, 1861-1865 -- Hospitals
It is often asserted that the sight of such constant suffering and
death, so hardens and accustoms the men to the fact, that they do not
appear to feel it in the slightest degree. My own observation has led to
a directly opposite conclusion. It is only natural, that a death here,
where every trace of it is necessarily so speedily removed, may and must
be as speedily forgotten; but, at the time, I have always noticed a far
greater effect from it than I could have looked for; greater respect and
sympathy for the feelings of any relations present; greater solemnity in
witnessing the awful change; greater tenderness in the subsequent care
of the body. As an illustration, it was but yesterday, that one of the
wardmasters, coming for a shirt to lay out one of our poor fellows, just
dead, said, “Give me any one, one of the worst will do,” and then, as
though the words struck a chord, he added instantly; “One of the worst!
Oh! how sorry I am, I said that; poor fellow! poor fellow! he wouldn’t
have said that for me;” and as I turned, I saw the rough arm in its red
flannel shirt, brushing away a tear, of which he surely need not have
been ashamed.
“Poor William is dying.” Yes, too truly. We need not the words of the
Surgeon in charge, as he passes, “Don’t trouble him with that poultice,
it is too late;” one glance is sufficient; and yet as I approached the
bed I started involuntarily. The man had only been here a short time,
and had never seemed in any way remarkable; of small size, very ordinary
appearance, light hair, blue eyes, and a quiet, gentle manner. He had
not been considered in danger, though suffering from an attack of acute
bronchitis; for in this war truly may it be said,
“Manifold
And dire, O Sickness! are the crucibles
Wherein thy torturing alchemy assays
The spirit of man.”
But now,--could it be the same? I looked at name and number to satisfy
myself. I have no wish to exaggerate, but _transfigured_ was the word
which rose to my mind then, and whenever I have since thought of that
face. The wonderful change seemed already to have passed upon the spirit,
which looked forth from those large, clear, blue eyes, double their usual
size, as with an eager, wistful gaze they were evidently fixed upon a
vision too bright for our earth-dimmed sight, while a smile, a radiant
smile, played round his lips. It was not the poor Private, dying afar
from friends and home, alone in a ward of a hospital, with the pitiless
rain pelting overhead; it was a soul passing from earth, resting on
its dear Lord, strengthened and comforted for the dread journey by a
vision of the Guard of Angels sent to bear it to its rest in Paradise;
the unearthly peace, the blessed brightness of that face, could not be
mistaken.
“Death upon his face
Is rather shine than shade.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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