Nothing to Do: A Tilt at Our Best SocietyAlger, Horatio, Jr.
General
Nothing to Do: A Tilt at Our Best Society
Alger, Horatio, Jr.
Satire; United States -- Social life and customs -- Poetry
If my memory fails not, 'tis three months to-day
Since Augustus Fitz-Herbert appeared in Broadway,
Having passed the last year in a tour beyond seas,
Where his travels extended from Russia to Spain,
And towards the North-West from the famed Hebrides
To the beautiful isles in the fair Grecian main.
He has wandered through climes of which even the names
Thrill the heart with emotion, or summon a tear,
When we think how completely has time swept away
The traces of all that we fain would revere.
He has stood, it may be, on the very same spot
Where Homer recited his deathless heroics,
Or paused at the portico, knowing it not,
Where Zeno addressed his disciples, the Stoics.
Perchance when he gazed from the brow of the hill
On the once famous harbor--the Attic Piræus,--
Proud trophy of valor reverse could not chill!--
His foot pressed the turf on the breast of Musæus.
He has seen the proud city whose arts and whose arms
In the mouth of tradition for ages have rung;
O, there is not a foot of that soil but has charms,
Where Tully once fulmined, where Virgil once sung.
In the streets of Byzantium he's smoked a chibouk
With the bearded and turbaned devout Mameluke;
Has seen the Cathedral--the glory of Munich--
And deciphered inscriptions, _perhaps_, from the Runic;
Floated dreamily down the thrice beautiful Rhine,
Through lands that are teeming with olives and wine;
Passed a night in the capital city of Berne,
And crossed in a steamer the Lake of Lucerne;
Has strolled through the fortified town of Brussels,
And heard in old Bruges the sweet Minster bells;
Has stopped in the siege-renowned city of Prague,
And supped with Mynheer in his town of the Hague;
At length reaching France, in a steamboat crossed over
The troublesome straits linking Calais with Dover;
Which gained, up to London he travelled post-haste,
With the prominent thought, there was no time to waste.
With the help of post-horses and frequent relays,
He "did" the whole island in eight or ten days,
During which he no doubt made a thorough survey
Of all objects of interest passed on the way.
He next made a very brief visit to Cork
(The city and people he couldn't endure),
And returning took passage at once to New York,
With the comforting thought--he had made the grand tour.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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