"Where insincere people always do end, I think, in a kind of treachery.
Perhaps that is why Mr. Stirling puts insincerity last, because
insincere people do such dreadful things without knowing they are
dreadful. Now, the harlots and the publicans do know. They have the pull
of us there."
Janey's clear, retentive mind recalled every word of that conversation,
the last she had had with Annette, which had left an impression on her
mind that Annette had belittled the frailties of the flesh. Why had she
done that? _Because she had not been guiltless of them herself._
In such manner do some of us reason, and find confirmation of that which
we suspect. Not that Janey suspected her of stepping aside. She was
convinced that she had done so. The evidence had been conclusive. At
least, she did not doubt it when Annette was absent. When she was
present with her she knew not how to believe it. It was incredible. Yet
it was so. She always came back to that.
But why did she and Mr. Stirling both put insincerity as the worst of
the spiritual sins? Janey was an inexorable reader, now that she had
begun. She ruminated with her small hands folded on the open page.
And her honest mind showed her that once--not long ago--she had nearly
been insincere herself: when she had told herself with vehemence that it
was her bounden duty to Roger to warn him against Annette. What an ugly
act of treachery she had almost committed, would have committed if Mr.
Stirling had not come to her aid. She shuddered. Yes, he was right.
Insincerity was the place where all meannesses and disloyalties and
treacheries lurked and had their dens like evil beasts, ready to pounce
out and destroy the wayfaring spirit wandering on forbidden ground.
And she thought of Nurse's treachery for the sake of a livelihood with
a new compassion. It was less culpable than what she had nearly been
guilty of herself. And she thought yet again of Annette. She might have
done wrong, but you could not look at her and think she could be mean,
take refuge in subterfuge or deceit. "She would never lie about it, to
herself or others," Janey said to herself. And she who _had_ lied to
herself, though only for a moment, was humbled.
She was half expecting Roger, in spite of their conference of this
morning, for she knew that he was to see the lawyer about probate that
afternoon, and the lawyer might have given an opinion as to the legality
of Harry's marriage.
Presently she heard his step in the hall, and he came in. She had known
Roger all her life, but his whole aspect was unfamiliar to her. As she
looked at him bewildered, she realized that she had never seen him
strongly moved before, never in all these years until now. There is
something almost terrifying in the emotion of unemotional people. The
momentary confidence of the morning, the one tear wrung out of him by
perceiving his hope of marriage suddenly wiped out, was as nothing to
this.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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