She would have shrunk from her altogether if she had known
that it was by Roger's suggestion that Annette made so many little
opportunities of meeting. Annette had been to see her the day before she
went to Noyes, and had found her reading _The Magnet_, and they had had
a long conversation about it.
And now in Janey's second reading, not skipping one word, and going over
the more difficult passages twice, she came again upon the sentence
which they had discussed. She read it slowly.
"_The publican and the harlot will go into the Kingdom before us,
because it is easier for them to flee with loathing from the sins of
the flesh, and to press through the strait gate of humility, than it is
for us to loathe and flee the sins of the spirit, egotism, pride,
resentment, cruelty, insincerity._"
Janey laid down the book. When Annette had read that sentence aloud to
her, Janey had said, "I don't understand that. I think he's wrong. Pride
and the other things and insincerity aren't nearly as bad as--as
immorality."
"He doesn't say one is worse than the others," Annette had replied, and
her quiet eyes had met Janey's bent searchingly upon her. "He only says
egotism and the other things make it harder to squeeze through the
little gate. You see, they make it impossible for us even to _see_
it--the strait gate."
"He writes as if egotism were worse than immorality, as if immorality
doesn't matter," said Janey stubbornly. How could Annette speak so
coolly, so impersonally, as if she had never deviated from the rigid
code of morals in which Janey had been brought up! She felt impelled to
show her that she at any rate held sterner views.
Annette cogitated.
"Perhaps, Janey; he has learnt that nothing makes getting near the gate
so difficult as egotism. He says somewhere else that egotism makes
false, mean, dreadful things ready to pounce on us. He's right in the
order he puts them in, isn't he? Selfishness first, and then pride. Our
pride gets wounded, and then resentment follows. And resentment always
wants to inflict pain. That is why he puts cruelty next."
"How do you know all this?" said Janey incredulously.
"I know about pride and resentment," said Annette, "because I gave way
to them once. I think I never shall again."
"I don't see why he puts insincerity last."
"Perhaps he thinks that is the worst thing that can happen to us."
"To be insincere?" said Janey, amazed.
"Yes. I certainly never _have_ met a selfish person who was sincere,
have you? They have to be giving noble reasons for their selfish
actions, so as to keep their self-respect and make us think well of
them. I knew a man once--he was a great musician--who was like that. He
wanted admiration dreadfully, he craved for it, and yet he didn't want
to take any trouble to be the things that make one admire people. It
ended in----"
"What did it end in?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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