"I seem to have been 'tidying up and starting afresh' all my life," he
said wearily; "I'm beginning to see where the untidiness lies, and the
only way to get rid of it."
I did not understand the meaning of his words at the time, but learnt it
later on.
He strove, according to his strength, and fell. But by a miracle his
transgression was not discovered. The facts came to light long
afterwards, but at the time there were only two who knew.
It was his last failure. Late one evening I received a
hurriedly-scrawled note from his wife, begging me to come round.
"A terrible thing has happened," it ran; "Charley went up to his study
after dinner, saying he had some 'tidying up,' as he calls it, to do, and
did not wish to be disturbed. In clearing out his desk he must have
handled carelessly the revolver that he always keeps there, not
remembering, I suppose, that it was loaded. We heard a report, and on
rushing into the room found him lying dead on the floor. The bullet had
passed right through his heart."
Hardly the type of man for a hero! And yet I do not know. Perhaps he
fought harder than many a man who conquers. In the world's courts, we
are compelled to judge on circumstantial evidence only, and the chief
witness, the man's soul, cannot very well be called.
I remember the subject of bravery being discussed one evening at a dinner
party, when a German gentleman present related an anecdote, the hero of
which was a young Prussian officer.
"I cannot give you his name," our German friend explained--"the man
himself told me the story in confidence; and though he personally, by
virtue of his after record, could afford to have it known, there are
other reasons why it should not be bruited about.
"How I learnt it was in this way. For a dashing exploit performed during
the brief war against Austria he had been presented with the Iron Cross.
This, as you are well aware, is the most highly-prized decoration in our
army; men who have earned it are usually conceited about it, and, indeed,
have some excuse for being so. He, on the contrary, kept his locked in a
drawer of his desk, and never wore it except when compelled by official
etiquette. The mere sight of it seemed to be painful to him. One day I
asked him the reason. We are very old and close friends, and he told me.
"The incident occurred when he was a young lieutenant. Indeed, it was
his first engagement. By some means or another he had become separated
from his company, and, unable to regain it, had attached himself to a
line regiment stationed at the extreme right of the Prussian lines.
"The enemy's effort was mainly directed against the left centre, and for
a while our young lieutenant was nothing more than a distant spectator of
the battle. Suddenly, however, the attack shifted, and the regiment
found itself occupying an extremely important and critical position. The
shells began to fall unpleasantly near, and the order was given to
'grass.'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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