Whenever I dream this incident I invariably wake up to find that the
bedclothes are on the floor, and that I am shivering with cold; and it is
this shivering, I suppose, that causes me to dream I am wandering about
the Lyceum stage in nothing but my nightshirt. But still I do not
understand why it should always be the Lyceum.
Another dream which I fancy I have dreamt more than once--or, if not, I
have dreamt that I dreamt it before, a thing one sometimes does--is one
in which I am walking down a very wide and very long road in the East End
of London. It is a curious road to find there. Omnibuses and trams pass
up and down, and it is crowded with stalls and barrows, beside which men
in greasy caps stand shouting; yet on each side it is bordered by a strip
of tropical forest. The road, in fact, combines the advantages of Kew
and Whitechapel.
Some one is with me, but I cannot see him, and we walk through the
forest, pushing our way among the tangled vines that cling about our
feet, and every now and then, between the giant tree-trunks, we catch
glimpses of the noisy street.
At the end of this road there is a narrow turning, and when I come to it
I am afraid, though I do not know why I am afraid. It leads to a house
that I once lived in when a child, and now there is some one waiting
there who has something to tell me.
I turn to run away. A Blackwall 'bus is passing, and I try to overtake
it. But the horses turn into skeletons and gallop away from me, and my
feet are like lead, and the thing that is with me, and that I cannot see,
seizes me by the arm and drags me back.
It forces me along, and into the house, and the door slams to behind us,
and the sound echoes through the lifeless rooms. I recognise the rooms;
I laughed and cried in them long ago. Nothing is changed. The chairs
stand in their places, empty. My mother's knitting lies upon the
hearthrug, where the kitten, I remember, dragged it, somewhere back in
the sixties.
I go up into my own little attic. My cot stands in the corner, and my
bricks lie tumbled out upon the floor (I was always an untidy child). An
old man enters--an old, bent, withered man--holding a lamp above his
head, and I look at his face, and it is my own face. And another enters,
and he also is myself. Then more and more, till the room is thronged
with faces, and the stair-way beyond, and all the silent house. Some of
the faces are old and others young, and some are fair and smile at me,
and many are foul and leer at me. And every face is my own face, but no
two of them are alike.
I do not know why the sight of myself should alarm me so, but I rush from
the house in terror, and the faces follow me; and I run faster and
faster, but I know that I shall never leave them behind me.
* * * * *
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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