There were tears in Jason's eyes and as quickly as the endotrachial tube
was removed, words came from Jason's essence. "Why me, God?"
I was pre-empted. (That's what happens when I write the script of
nursing.)
Instead of dancing around "telling" Jason, I was now only able to
"be-with" Jason. To suffer with Jason, to come to compassionate knowing
of Jason's subjective reality. "I heard him," Jason choked and sobbed.
I just sat next to his stretcher and held his left hand with my right
hand. I softly stroked his shoulder. This intimate hand-in-hand gesture
only expressed a small part of the instant connectedness that we were
co-experiencing, each alone, each with the other, all at once.
I sat there for more than thirty minutes telling Jason repeatedly to
rest, trust God to help him, have strength, courage, and hope.
Having come together, Jason and I, through the darkness of anesthetized
sleep to the harsh reality of "wakefulness," we both move on with our
lives.
I asked the surgeon of Jason several times, but he couldn't remember
Jason.
I will never forget Jason. Jason brought me closer to understanding
honesty as caring (Little, 1992).
An explicit realization of nursing as a personal expression of caring
can fuel a commitment to growing in caring throughout life. A vivid,
articulated sense of self connects with an equally strong and explicit
sense of nursing, and a personal commitment to caring in and through
nursing is created. Research makes the unequivocal point that those who
seek our nursing service identify caring as the sine qua non of nursing
(Samaral), 1988; Winland-Brown & Schoenhofer, 1992). Entering these
covenantal relationships obligates us to mutually live and grow in
caring. What has also become apparent through our practice is that it
is increasingly difficult for nurses to conceptualize their service
as caring. Many nurses have lost faith in themselves as persons
contributing caring in health service delivery situations. Thus, the
raison d'être for the professional service career of nursing is lost,
and nurses become disheartened.
It is our experience, as illustrated in the previous story, Honesty,
that nurses can recapture the spirit of nursing, can rekindle hope
for themselves as persons caring through and in nursing. The reader
is invited to pause a moment and experience a sense of self as person
expressing caring in nursing. You are invited to enter a quiet,
contemplative inner space. Allow the attentions and distractions of the
moment to recede as you create quietude. Now, bring to life the most
beautiful nursing you have ever done. Recall that precious instance
that stands out for you as truly nursing. Savor the fullness of that
experience. Explore the meaning of this wonderful experience of nursing.
If possible, pause now and tell the story of your finest nursing
moment--aloud to another nurse, or in writing to the nurse you are today.
Share your story and invite other nurses to share theirs with you.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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