The scholar was versed in all magical arts, Most famous was he throughout _college_; To the Red Sea full oft many an unquiet ghost, To repose with King Pharaoh and his mighty host He had sent through his powerful knowledge. To this scholar so learn'd the master he went, And as lowly he bent with submission, Told the freaks of the horrible frights That prevented his household from resting at nights, And offered this humble petition:-- "That he, the said scholar, in wisdom so wise, Would the mischievous fiend lay in fetters; Would send him in torments for ever to dwell, In the nethermost pit of the nethermost hell, For destroying the sleep of his betters." The scholar so versed in all magical lore, Told the master his pray'r should be granted; He ordered his horse to be saddled with speed, And perch'd on the back of his cream colour'd steed, Trotted off to the house that was haunted. "Bring me turnips and milk!" the scholar he cried, In voice like the echoing thunder: He brought him some turnips and suet beside, Some milk and a spoon, and his motions they eyed, Quite lost in conjecture and wonder. He took up the turnips, and peel'd off the skins, Put them into a pot that was boiling; Spread a table and cloth, and made ready to sup, Then call'd for a fork, and the turnips fished up In a hurry, for they were a-spoiling. He mash'd up the turnips with butter and milk: The hail at the casement 'gan clatter! Yet this scholar ne'er heeded the tempest without, But raising his eyes, and turning about, Asked the maid for a small wooden platter. He mash'd up the turnips with butter and salt, The storm came on thicker and faster-- The lightnings went flash, and with terrific din The wind at each crevice and cranny came in, Tearing up by the root lath and plaster. He mash'd up the turnips with nutmegs and spice, The mess would have ravish'd a glutton; When lo! with sharp bones hardly covered with skin, The ghost from a nook o'er the window peep'd in, In the form of _a boil'd scrag of mutton_. "Ho! Ho!" said the ghost, "what art doing below?" The scholar peep'd up in a twinkling-- "The times are too hard to afford any meat, So to render my turnips more pleasant to eat, A few grains of pepper I'm sprinkling." Then he caught up a fork, and the mutton he seiz'd, And soused it at once in the platter; Threw o'er it some salt and a spoonful of fat, And before the poor ghost could tell what he was at, He was gone like a mouse down the throat of a cat, And this is the whole of the matter. * * * * * COMPARISONS ARE ODIOUS.