I am engaged in making a remedy for which there is a great demand, but its manufacture is regarded with suspicion by United States officials who want to be considered zealous. Rather than be drawn into any difficulty with these people, I have always courted retirement and avoided the busy haunts of men. Still some strolling idiot or other will occasionally see the smoke from my little home and drop in on me. Could you find out about this smoke consumer and see what the price would be and let me known as soon as possible? If you could do so I can be of great service to you. Leave the letter under the big stone where you found yourself the other day when you came out of your trance. I call it a trance because this letter might fall into the hands of your family. If you will find out about this smoke consumer and leave the information where I have told you you will find on the following day a large jug of mountain dew in the same place that will make your hair grow and give a roseate hue to your otherwise gloomy life. Do not try to come here again. It might compromise me. A man in your position may not have anything to risk, but with me it is different. My unsullied reputation is all I have to bequeath to my children. If you come often there will not be enough left to go around, as I have a large family. If you hear of anybody that wants to trade a good double-barrel shotgun for a small portable worm and retort that is too small for my business, I can give him a good trade on it if he will let you know. This is a good machine for experimental purposes, and being no larger than a Babcock fire-extinguisher it can be readily conveyed to a place of safety at a very rapid rate. You might say to your friends that we shall try in the future as we have in the past to keep up the standard of our goods, so as to merit a continued patronage. Citizens of the United States, or those who have declared their intention to become such, will always be welcome at our works, provided they are not office-holders in any capacity. We have no use for those who are in any way connected with the public teat. Dictated letter. I. B. MOONSHINE. I hope that any one will feel perfectly free to address me in relation to anything referred to in the above letter. All communications containing remittances will be regarded as strictly confidential. [Illustration] His Crazy-Bone The man that struck his crazy-bone, All suddenly jerked up one foot And hopped three vivid hops, and put His elbow straight before him--then Flashed white as pallid Parian stone, And clinched his eyes, and hopped again. He spake no word--he made no moan-- He muttered no invective--but Just gripped his eyelids tighter shut, And as the world whizzed past him then, He only knew his crazy-bone Was stricken--so--he hopped again. Prying Open the Future [Illustration]