Odd craft [complete]Jacobs, W. W. (William Wymark)
General
Odd craft [complete]
Jacobs, W. W. (William Wymark)
England -- Social life and customs -- Fiction; Humorous stories, English; Sailors -- Fiction
“Broke it?” repeated the other.
“Yes, sir,” said Mr. Burton. “I knocked it on the floor and trod on it
by accident; smashed it to powder.”
Mr. Stiles rated him roundly for his carelessness, and asked him
whether he knew that it was a present from the Italian Ambassador.
“Burton was always a clumsy man,” he said, turning to the widow. “He
had the name for it when he was on the _Destruction_ with me; ‘Bungling
Burton’ they called him.”
He divided the rest of the evening between flirting and recounting
various anecdotes of Mr. Burton, none of which were at all flattering
either to his intelligence or to his sobriety, and the victim, after
one or two futile attempts at contradiction, sat in helpless wrath as
he saw the infatuation of the widow. They were barely clear of the
house before his pent-up emotions fell in an avalanche of words on the
faithless Mr. Stiles.
“I can’t help being good-looking,” said the latter, with a smirk.
“Your good looks wouldn’t hurt anybody,” said Mr. Burton, in a grating
voice; “it’s the admiral business that fetches her. It’s turned ’er
head.”
Mr. Stiles smiled. “She’ll say ‘snap’ to my ‘snip’ any time,” he
remarked. “And remember, George, there’ll always be a knife and fork
laid for you when you like to come.”
“I dessay,” retorted Mr. Burton, with a dreadful sneer. “Only as it
happens I’m going to tell ’er the truth about you first thing to-morrow
morning. If I can’t have ’er you sha’n’t.”
“That’ll spoil your chance, too,” said Mr. Stiles. “She’d never forgive
you for fooling her like that. It seems a pity neither of us should get
her.”
“You’re a sarpent,” exclaimed Mr. Burton, savagely—“a sarpent that I’ve
warmed in my bosom and——”
“There’s no call to be indelicate, George,” said Mr. Stiles,
reprovingly, as he paused at the door of the house. “Let’s sit down and
talk it over quietly.”
Mr. Burton followed him into the room and, taking a chair, waited.
“It’s evident she’s struck with me,” said Mr. Stiles, slowly; “it’s
also evident that if you tell her the truth it might spoil my chances.
I don’t say it would, but it might. That being so, I’m agreeable to
going back without seeing her again by the six-forty train to-morrow
morning if it’s made worth my while.”
“Made worth your while?” repeated the other.
“Certainly,” said the unblushing Mr. Stiles. “She’s not a bad-looking
woman—for her age—and it’s a snug little business.”
Mr. Burton, suppressing his choler, affected to ponder. “If ’arf a
sovereign—” he said, at last.
“Half a fiddlestick!” said the other, impatiently. “I want ten pounds.
You’ve just drawn your pension, and, besides, you’ve been a saving man
all your life.”
“Ten pounds?” gasped the other. “D’ye think I’ve got a gold-mine in the
back garden?”
Mr. Stiles leaned back in his chair and crossed his feet. “I don’t go
for a penny less,” he said, firmly. “Ten pounds and my ticket back. If
you call me any more o’ those names I’ll make it twelve.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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