Odd craft [complete]Jacobs, W. W. (William Wymark)
General
Odd craft [complete]
Jacobs, W. W. (William Wymark)
England -- Social life and customs -- Fiction; Humorous stories, English; Sailors -- Fiction
None of ’em seemed to be in a hurry. Bill Jones took it up and bit it,
and rang it on the table and squinted at it, and then he bit it agin,
and turned round and asked Joe Barlcomb wot was wrong with it.
“Wrong?” ses Joe; “nothing.”
Bill Jones put it down agin. “You’re wide awake, Joe,” he ses, “but so
am I.”
“Won’t nobody give me a ha’penny for it?” ses Joe, looking round.
Then Peter Lamb came up, and he looked at it and rang it, and at last
he gave Joe a ha’penny for it and took it round, and everybody ’ad a
look at it.
[Illustration]
“It stands to reason it’s a bad ’un,” ses Bill Jones, “but it’s so well
done I wish as I’d bought it.”
“H-s-h!” ses Peter Lamb; “don’t let the landlord ’ear you.”
The landlord ’ad just that moment come in, and Peter walked up and
ordered a pint, and took his tenpence change as bold as brass. Arter
that Joe Barbcomb bought five more ha’pennies afore you could wink
a’most, and every man wot sold one went up to the bar and ’ad a pint
and got tenpence change, and drank Joe Barlcomb’s health.
“There seems to be a lot o’ money knocking about to-night,” ses the
landlord, as Sam Martin, the last of ’em, was drinking ’is pint.
Sam Martin choked and put ’is pot down on the counter with a bang, and
him and the other five was out o’ that door and sailing up the road
with their tenpences afore the landlord could get his breath. He stood
to the bar scratching his ’ead and staring, but he couldn’t understand
it a bit till a man wot was too late to sell his ha’penny up and told
’im all about it. The fuss ’e made was terrible. The shillings was in a
little heap on a shelf at the back o’ the bar, and he did all sorts o’
things to ’em to prove that they was bad, and threatened Joe Barlcomb
with the police. At last, however, ’e saw wot a fool he was making of
himself, and arter nearly breaking his teeth ’e dropped them into a
drawer and stirred ’em up with the others.
Joe Barlcomb went round the next night to see Mrs. Prince, and she
asked ’im a lot o’ questions about the men as ’ad sold ’im the
ha’pennies.
“The fust part ’as been done very well,” she ses, nodding her ’ead at
’im; “if you do the second part as well, you’ll soon know who your
enemy is.”
“Nothing’ll bring the pig back,” ses Joe.
“There’s worse misfortunes than that, as I’ve told you,” ses Mrs.
Prince, sharply. “Now, listen to wot I’m going to say to you. When the
clock strikes twelve to-night——”
“Our clock don’t strike,” ses Joe.
“Then you must borrow one that does,” ses Mrs. Prince, “and when it
strikes twelve you must go round to each o’ them six men and sell them
a ha’penny for a shilling.”
Joe Barlcomb looked at ’er. “’Ow?” he ses, short-like.
“Same way as you sold ’em a shilling for a ha’-penny,” ses Mrs. Prince;
“it don’t matter whether they buy the ha’pennies or not. All you’ve got
to do is to go and ask ’em, and the man as makes the most fuss is the
man that ’as put the trouble on you.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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