"The Rookery" Breeming Downs Wippet-cum-Twyne New York City August 24, 1921 CONTENTS I THE SOCIAL LIFE OF THE NEWT II "COFFEE, MEGG AND ILK, PLEASE" III WHEN GENIUS REMAINED YOUR HUMBLE SERVANT IV THE TORTURES OF WEEK-END VISITING V GARDENING NOTES VI LESSON NUMBER ONE VII THOUGHTS ON FUEL SAVING VIII NOT ACCORDING TO HOYLE IX FROM NINE TO FIVE X TURNING OVER A NEW LEDGER LEAF XI A PIECE OF ROAST BEEF XII THE COMMUNITY MASQUE AS A SUBSTITUTE FOR WAR XIII CALL FOR MR. KENWORTHY! XIV FOOTBALL; COURTESY OF MR. MORSE XV A LITTLE DEBIT IN YOUR TONNEAU XVI A ROMANCE IN ENCYCLOPÆDIA LAND XVII THE PASSING OF THE ORTHODOX PARADOX XVIII SHAKESPEARE EXPLAINED XIX THE SCIENTIFIC SCENARIO XX THE MOST POPULAR BOOK OF THE MONTH XXI CHRISTMAS AFTERNOON XXII HAIL, VERNAL EQUINOX! TABLOID EDITIONS THE AMERICAN MAGAZINE HARPER'S MAGAZINE THE SATURDAY EVENING POST OF ALL THINGS! I THE SOCIAL LIFE OF THE NEWT It is not generally known that the newt, although one of the smallest of our North American animals, has an extremely happy home-life. It is just one of those facts which never get bruited about. [Illustration: "Since that time I have practically lived among the newts."] I first became interested in the social phenomena of newt life early in the spring of 1913, shortly after I had finished my researches in sexual differentiation among amœba. Since that time I have practically lived among newts, jotting down observations, making lantern-slides, watching them in their work and in their play (and you may rest assured that the little rogues have their play--as who does not?) until, from much lying in a research posture on my stomach, over the inclosure in which they were confined, I found myself developing what I feared might be rudimentary creepers. And so, late this autumn, I stood erect and walked into my house, where I immediately set about the compilation of the notes I had made. So much for the non-technical introduction. The remainder of this article bids fair to be fairly scientific. In studying the more intimate phases of newt life, one is chiefly impressed with the methods by means of which the males force their attentions upon the females, with matrimony as an object. For the newt is, after all, only a newt, and has his weaknesses just as any of the rest of us. And I, for one, would not have it different. There is little enough fun in the world as it is.