Does the reader know Swift's _Rules and Directions for Servants_? They occupy one hundred and eighteen pages of volume twelve of his works, in the edition of 1768, and comprise instructions to butler, cook, footman, coachman, groom, steward, chambermaid, housemaid, nurse, etc. They show us that human nature among servants was much the same in the middle of last century as in this. Only a scanty extract must be given. "When your master or lady calls a servant by name, if that servant be not in the way, none of you are to answer, for then there will be no end of your drudgery. "When you have done a fault be always pert and insolent, and behave yourself as if you were the injured person. "The cook, the butler, the groom, and every other servant should act as if his master's whole estate ought to be applied to that particular servant's business. "Take all tradesmen's parts against your master. You are to consider if your master hath paid too much, he can better afford the loss than a poor tradesman. "Never submit to stir a finger in any business but that for which you were particularly hired. For example, if the groom be drunk or absent, and the butler be ordered to shut the stable-door, the answer is ready, 'An' please, your honour, I don't understand horses.' "If you find yourself to grow into favour with your master or lady, take some opportunity to give them warning, and when they ask the reason, and seem loath to part with you, answer that a poor servant is not to be blamed if he strives to better himself. Upon which, if your master hath any generosity, he will add five or ten shillings a quarter rather than let you go. "Write your own name and your sweetheart's with the smoke of a candle on the roof of the kitchen, to show your learning. If you are a young sightly fellow, whenever you whisper your mistress at the table, run your nose full into her cheek, or breathe full in her face. "Never come till you have been called three or four times, for none but dogs will come at the first whistle. "When you have broken all your earthen vessels below stairs--which is usually done in a week--the copper-pot will do as well; it can boil milk, heat porridge, hold small beer--apply it indifferently to all these uses, but never wash or scour it. "Although you are allowed knives for the servants' hall at meals, yet you ought to spare them, and make use of your master's. "Let it be a constant rule, that no chair or table in the servants' hall have above three legs. "Quarrel with each other as much as you please, only always bear in mind that you have a common enemy, which is your master and lady. "When your master and lady go abroad together to dine, you need leave only one servant in the house to answer the door and attend the children. Who is to stay at home is to be determined by short and long cuts, and the stayer at home may be comforted by a visit from a sweetheart.