"Confound your impudence, sir--I beg your pardon." "I thank you," said Lyman. "You thank me? What for?" "For begging my pardon." "Come, that is all nonsense, Mr. Lyman. Tell my wife that I'll be ready in a moment," he shouted with his head thrust in at the door. "The most absurd of nonsense," he said, turning back to Lyman. "It will raise a horse laugh throughout the county, and will then be dismissed as a good joke on me. Yes, sir, on me. And now will you agree to conform to the requirements of that ridiculous legislature, and sign the petition to the court?" "I haven't been informed that the legislature requires me to sign any petition. And I have no favors to ask of the court." "Is it possible, Mr. Lyman, that you do not see the necessity of it?" "And is it possible, Mr. McElwin, that you do not see the humor of it?" "The absurdity, yes. But I see no fun in it. I am a dignified man, sir." "Of course you tell me this in confidence--that you are a dignified man. All right--I won't say anything about it. But even dignity sometimes stands in need of advice. Go home and get a good night's sleep." "Do you mean that you won't agree--" "Not tonight." "Mr. Lyman, I have heard that you are one of the kindest hearted of men." "Oh, then you have heard of me? And I was not an entire stranger when I called at your bank? Yes, I suppose I have been what they were pleased to term a good fellow, and it strikes me that I have got the worst end of the bargain all along; so now, for once in my life, I am going to be mean. I will not sign your petition, Mr. McElwin." "What, sir, do you mean it?" "Yes, I mean it. I cannot afford to surrender a position so deliciously absurd." "Then I will compel you, sir." He began to choke with anger. "All right. I suppose you will invite me to be present." "I will compel you to leave this town." "What! After forming so strong an attachment?" "You are not a gentleman, sir." "No? Well, I have married into a pretty good family." "I will not bandy words with you. But I will see you, and perhaps when you least expect it." "Very well. Good night, and please remember that there is no humor in the law, that the statutes do not recognize a joke, and that, for the present at least, the young woman is my wife." CHAPTER VII. THE WEDDING BREAKFAST. At the breakfast table the next morning old man Staggs spread himself back with a loud laugh as Lyman entered the room. His wife looked at him with sharp reproof. "Jasper, you ought to be ashamed of yourself," she said. "It is a sin to laugh at a trouble. Sit down, Mr. Lyman." "Cousin Sam," said Lyman, and the old man roared again. "Well, sir," he declared, with the tears streaming out of his eyes, "I never saw anything like it in my life. It knocked him, knocked him prosperous, as old Moxey used to say. Best joke I ever heard of." "Jasper, don't," his wife pleaded. "For my sake don't. I am afraid he'll never speak to us again."