Old Friends: Essays in Epistolary ParodyLang, Andrew
General
Old Friends: Essays in Epistolary Parody
Lang, Andrew
Imaginary letters; Parodies; Wit and humor
Now, mine adversary declining to fight _comminus gladio_, but breaking
ground in a manner unworthy of a gallant soldado, and the place, saving
your presence, being somewhat slippery and treacherous because of the
goats that were fed there, I delivered a sufficient onslaught; and he
fell, his sword flying from his hand. When I had taken his weapon—the
_spolia opima_, as we said at Mareschal College—I bid him rise, and then
discoursed him on the dishonour of such a hasty defeat. Then, he
confessing himself to me that, though under arms, he was a young
fledgeling priest in Popish orders, I began upon him with such words on
his disgracing the noble profession of arms as might have made him choose
to return to his cloister; when suddenly he fled, and, being young and
light-footed, robbed me, not only of such caduacs and casualties as an
experienced cavalier might well take from his prisoner for ransom, but
also, as now it appears, of my good name. For I doubt not that this
musketeer priest, Monsieur Aramis, or l’Abbé d’Herblay (for he hath as
many names as I have seen campaigns), was the loon that beguiled with a
lying tale the newsman of the “Gallo Belgicus.” And I have ever seen
that an honourable soldado will give the go-by to these newsmen and their
flying sheets, as unworthy of the notice of honourable cavaliers; of whom
(recommending your lordship for the truth of my tale to my Lord Winter,
now with his gracious Majesty the King) I am fain to subscribe myself
one, and your lordship’s poor officer, as ye shall entreat him,
DUGALD DALGETTY, of Drumthwacket,
Late Commander of the whole stift of Dunklespiel
on the Lower Rhine.
X.
_From Mr. Lovelace to John Belford_, _Esq._
The following letter must have been omitted from the papers to which Mr.
Samuel Richardson, the editor of “Clarissa,” had access. It was written,
apparently, after the disgraceful success of Lovelace’s disgraceful
adventure, and shows us that scoundrel in company not choice, indeed, but
better than he deserved, the society of Mr. Thomas Jones, a Foundling.
Mr. Jones’s admirable wife (née Western), having heard of Lovelace’s
conduct, sent her husband to execute that revenge which should have been
competed for by every man of heart. It will be seen that Mr. Jones was
no match for the perfidies of Mr. Lovelace. The cynical reflections of
that bad man on Lord Fellamar, and his relations with Mrs. Jones, will
only cause indignation and contempt among her innumerable and honourable
admirers. They will remember the critical and painful circumstances as
recorded in Mr. Henry Fielding’s biography of Mr. Jones.
_Parcius junctas quatiunt fenestras_
_Ictibus crebris juvenes protervi_.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Old Friends: Essays in Epistolary Parody — John Shaqi
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