Old Friends: Essays in Epistolary Parody — John Shaqi
Old Friends: Essays in Epistolary ParodyLang, Andrew
General
Old Friends: Essays in Epistolary Parody
Lang, Andrew
Imaginary letters; Parodies; Wit and humor
There are odd customers in Kingsgate Street, Holborn—foreign gents and
refugees. Such a cove my eagle eye detected in a man who entered the
shop wearing a long black beard streaked with the snows of age, and who
requested Poll to shave him clean. He was a sailor-man to look at; but
his profile, David, might have been carved by a Grecian chisel out of an
iceberg, and that steel grey eye of his might have struck a chill, even
through a chink, into any heart less stout than beats behind the vest of
Montague Tigg. The task of rasping so hirsute a customer seemed to sit
heavy on the soul of Poll, and threatened to exhaust the resources of his
limited establishment. The barber went forth to command, as I presume, a
fresher strop, or more keenly tempered steel, and glittering cans of
water heated to a fiercer heat. No sooner was the coast clear than the
street-door opened, and my stranger was joined by a mantled form, that
glided into Poll’s emporium. The new-comer doffed a swart sombrero, and
disclosed historic features that were not unknown to the concealed
observer—meaning me. Yes, David, that aquiline beak, that long and waxed
moustache, that impassible mask of a face, I had seen them, Sir,
conspicuous (though their owner be of alien and even hostile birth) among
England’s special chivalry. The foremost he had charged on the Ides of
April (I mean against the ungentlemanly Chartist throng) and in the
storied lists of Eglinton. The new-comer, in short, was the nephew of
him who ate his heart out in an English gaol (like our illustrious
Chiv)—in fact, he was Prince Louis N— B—.
Gliding to the seat where, half-lathered, the more or less ancient
Mariner awaited Poll’s return, the Prince muttered (in the French lingo,
familiar to me from long exile in Boulogne):
“Hist, goes all well?”
“Magnificently, Sire!” says the other chap.
“Our passages taken?”
“Ay, and private cabins paid for to boot, in case of the storm’s
inclemency.”
The Prince nodded and seemed pleased; then he asked anxiously,
“The Bird? You have been to Jamrach’s?”
“Pardon me, Sire,” says the man who was waiting to be shaved, “I can slip
from your jesses no mercenary eagle. These limbs have yet the pith to
climb and this heart the daring to venture to the airiest crag of Monte
d’Oro, and I have ravished from his eyrie a true Corsican eagle to be the
omen of our expedition. Wherever this eagle is your uncle’s legions will
gather together.”
“’Tis well; and the gold?”
“_Trust Monte Cristo_!” says the bearded man; and then, David, begad! I
knew I had them!
“We meet?”
“At Folkestone pier, 7.45, tidal train.”
“I shall be there without fail,” says the Prince, and sneaks out of the
street-door just as Poll comes in with the extra soap and strop.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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