Old Friends: Essays in Epistolary ParodyLang, Andrew
General
Old Friends: Essays in Epistolary Parody
Lang, Andrew
Imaginary letters; Parodies; Wit and humor
SIR,—There has arrived a frightful misunderstanding. The man you have
sent us is not Fosco. Of Fosco he has only the baldness, the air
benevolent, and the girth. The brand on his right arm is no more than
the mark of vaccination. Brought before the Commissary of Police, the
prisoner, who has not one word of French, was heard through an
interpreter. He gives himself the name of Piquouique, _rentier_,
English; and he appeals to his Ambassador. Of papers he had letters
bearing the name Samuel Pickwick, and, on his buttons, the letters P.C.,
which we suspect are the badge of a secret society. But this is not to
the point; for it is certain that, whatever the crimes of this brigand,
he is _not_ Fosco, but an Englishman. That he should be found in the
domicile of Fosco when that droll had evaded is suspicious (_louche_),
and his explanation does not permit itself to be understood. I have fear
that we enjoy bad luck, and that M. Palmerston will make himself to be
heard on this matter.
Accept, Monsieur, the assurance of my high consideration.
LECOQ.
P.S.—Our comrade, the Count Smorltork, of the Police of Manners (_police
des moeurs_), has come to present himself. Confronted with the bandit,
he gives him reason, and offers his faith that the man is Piquouique,
with whom he encountered himself when on a mission of secrecy to England
it is now some years. What to do? (_Que faire_?)
XXII.
_From Mr. Allan Quatermain to Sir Henry Curtis_.
Mr. Quatermain offers the correct account of two celebrated right and
left shots, also an adventure of the stranger in the Story of an African
Farm.
DEAR CURTIS,—You ask me to give you the true account, in writing, of
those right and left shots of mine at the two lions, the crocodile, and
the eagle. The brutes are stuffed now, in the hall at home—the lions
each on a pedestal, and the alligator on the floor with the eagle in his
jaws—much as they were when I settled them and saved the Stranger. All
sorts of stories have got into the papers about the business, which was
simple enough; so, though no hand with a pen, I may as well write it all
out.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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