'Being asleep is being dead.... I daresay people would be more afraid of
dying if they were not so used to go to sleep. When I am dying--I
daresay I shall die about seventeen--I shall send for John Morgan, and
George will come from Eton, and Aunt Sarah will be crying, and, perhaps,
mamma and Captain Palmer will be there; and I shall hold all their hands
in mine and say, "Now be friends, for my sake." And then I shall urge
George to exert himself more, and go to church on week-days; and then to
Aunt Sarah I shall turn with a sad smile, and say, "Adieu! dear aunt,
you never understood me--you fancied me a child when I had the feelings
of a woman, and you sneered at me, and sent me to bed at eight o'clock.
Do not crush George and Rhoda as you have crushed me: be gentle with
them;" and then I shall cross my hands over my chest and--and what
then?' And a sort of shock came over the girl as, perhaps for the first
time in her life, she realised the awful awakening. 'Suppose they bury
me alive? It is very common, I know--oh! no, no, no; that would be too
horrible! Suppose that poor young lady is not dead downstairs--suppose
she is alive, and they bury her to-morrow, and she wakes up, and it is
all dark, and she chokes and cries out, and nobody hears.... Surely they
will take precautions?--they will make sure.... Who will, I wonder? Not
that wicked husband--not that horrid maid. That wicked man has gone to
gamble, I daresay; and Julie is trying on her dresses, and perhaps her
eyes are opening now and nobody to see--nobody to come. Ah! this is
dreadful. I must go to sleep and forget it.'
Little Rhoda turned and whispered something in her dreams; Dorothy
curled herself up in her nest and shut her eyes, and did go to sleep for
a couple of hours, and then woke up again with a start, and thought it
must be morning. Had not somebody called her by name? did not somebody
whisper Dolly in her ear? so loud that it woke her out of a strange
dream: a sort of dream in which strange clanging sounds rung round and
round in the air; in which Dolly herself lay powerless, gasping and
desperate on her bed. Vainly she tried to move, to call, to utter; no
one came.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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