“Chile, I kin read; I means Ram! Dat’s what I mean! Ram wuz uh white pusson; Ham wuz uh cullud pusson. Well, dey kep’ on fogittin’ till Jesse fogot Dabid. But blessid to say, de lars’ one wuz not uh fogitter; he recommembered mos’ too well—leas’wise fuh dese days. He had Uriahy kilt kase he wuz rite smart tuck on Uriahy’s wife. In dese days it’s mo’ dan de chuch ’low; how-some-eber, in dem days it didn’t stress uh pusson ef’n uh man’s wife fogot him, kase dey had so many dey wouldn’t miss ’em, ’cep’in five er six lef’ ’em. Now, chillun, boys wuz bad in dem days same as now. Po’ King Dabid’s son ’stressed him pow’ful, but he neber fogot him, an’ he mus’ uh favo’d he Pa and bin uh monstus fine-lookin’ chile, kase de Bible say—lemmy read it to you: ‘Ab-so-lum wuz prais’ fuh he beauty fum de sole ub he foot ebin to de crown ub he haid.’ An’ de king wuz gwine to meck a Babtis’ preacher outin him, but he fogot his po’ father an’ run uh way; and what wuz de consequasion ub dat boy’s badness? Sistus an’ chillun, it’s wussa dan stealin’ watermillions er chickens; it’s mos’ ez bad ez dancin’ an’ playin’ de fiddle on de Sabbuth. Well, de Bible tell us dat Ab-so-lum[4] rid ’pon uh mule, an’ de mule went under de thick bows ub uh jack oak, an’ his haid kotch hold ub de oak (I mean de haid ub little Ab-so-lum) an’ he wuz’ tuck up ’tween de heaben an’ de uth; an’ de mule dat wuz under him went ’way, an’ dat wuz de las’ ub po’ Ab-so-lum. Ez many hosses ez dat ventersum chil’ mus’ uh had, an’ ez many ez his brudder Solomon had, it’s quare to me why he rid uh ornry mule. Dey mus’ uh bin uh breed ub mules an’ jackasses dat’s died out—kase mules an’ jackasses wuz de favorite beases in dem days.