Humorous stories; Love stories; New York (N.Y.) -- Fiction
Say, where do they pick it up, youngsters of that age? Her big brown
eyes are as round and serious as if she knew all about it; and on the
other side is Jane, fairly holdin' her breath.
"Whisper!" says I. "Could you two keep a secret?"
"Oh, yes!" comes in chorus.
"Well, then," says I, "I'm going to hand you one. I think Vee is the
best that ever happened."
"Oh, goody!" exclaims Peggy. "Then you do love her awfully! But why
don't you----"
"Wait!" says I. "When I get to be a little older, and some bigger, and
after I've made heaps and heaps of money, and have a big, black
automobile----"
"And a big, black mustache," adds Peggy.
"No," says I. "Cut out the miracles. Call it when I'm in business for
myself. Then, if somebody'll only choke off Aunty long enough, I
may--well, some fine moonlight night I may tell her all about it."
"Oh!" gasps Jane. "Mayn't we be there to hear you do it?"
"Not if I can bar you out," says I.
"Please!" says Peggy. "We would sit just as still and not---- Oh,
here's Aunt Marjorie. Aunty, what do you think? Mr. Torchy's been
telling us a secret."
"There, there, Peggy," says Marjorie, "don't be silly. Torchy is
waiting to see Baby. Come! He's awake now."
Yep, I had to do the inspection act, after all. And I must say that
most of these infant wonders look a good deal alike; only Ferdinand,
Jr., has a cute way of tryin' out his new tooth on your thumb.
Goin' back towards the station I meets Ferdy, himself, trampin' in
lonesome from a long walk, and lookin' mighty glum.
"Of all the gloom carriers!" says I. "What was it let you in bad this
time?"
"You ought to know," says he.
"For why?" says I.
"Oh, fudge!" says he. "I suppose you didn't put me up to that silly
business of changing neckties!"
"Chinked it, did you?" says I. "But how?"
"If you must know," says he, "I forgot to change back on my way home,
and Marjorie's still furious. She simply won't let me explain, refuses
to listen to a word. So what can I do?"
"A cinch!" says I. "You got a pair of livin' dictaphones in the house,
ain't you? Work it off on Peggy and Jane as a secret, and you'll have
your defense on record inside of half an hour. Cheer up, Ferdy.
Ishkabibble!"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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