But Mr. Carpenter has one hundred proofs that such is the unsatisfactory truth. Not only that, but the iconoclast claims that we are not whirling through space at a terrible rate, but are absolutely stationary. Some probability is given to this proposition by the present hot weather. The earth seems to be becalmed. If it were moving at the rate of nineteen miles a second wouldn't there be a breeze? This question is thrown out as perhaps offering the one hundred and first proof that the earth is not a globe. Mr. Carpenter may obtain the proof in detail at the office at our usual rates. A revolution will, of course, take place in the school geographies as soon as Mr. Carpenter's theories have been closely studied. No longer will the little boy answer the question as to the shape of the earth by the answer which has come ringing down the ages, "It's round like a ball, sir." No. He'll have to use the unpoetic formula, "It's flat like a pancake, sir." But, perhaps, after we have become used to the new idea it will not be unpleasant. The ancients flourished in the belief that the earth was a great plane. Why shouldn't we be equally fortunate? It may be romantic but it is not especially comforting to think that the earth is rushing through space twisting and curving like a gigantic ball delivered from the hand of an enormous pitcher. Something in the universe might make a base hit if we kept on and we would be knocked over an aerial fence and never found. Perhaps, after all, it is safer to live on Mr. Carpenter's stationary plane. The "Record," of Philadelphia, June 5, 1886, has the following, in the Literary Notes:--"Under the title One Hundred Proofs that the Earth is Not a Globe, Mr. William Carpenter, of Baltimore, publishes a pamphlet which is interesting on account of the originality of the views advanced, and, from his standpoint, the very logical manner in which he seeks to establish their truth. Mr. Carpenter is a disciple of what is called the Zetetic school of philosophy, and was referee for Mr. John Hampden when that gentleman, in 1870, made a wager with Mr. Alfred R. Wallace, of England, that the surface of standing water is always level, and therefore that the earth is flat. Since then he has combated his views with much earnestness, both in writing and on the platform, and, whatever opinions we may have on the subject, a perusal of his little book will prove interesting and afford room for careful study." "The motto which he puts on the cover--'Upright, Downright, Straightforward'--is well chosen, for it is an upright lie, a downright invention, and a straightforward butt of a bull at a locomotive."--The Florida Times Union, Dec. 13, 1885. Editor, Charles H. Jones. [Pray, Mr. Jones, tell us what you mean by "an upright lie."!!]