Only a Girl: or, A Physician for the Soul.Hillern, Wilhelmine von
General
Only a Girl: or, A Physician for the Soul.
Hillern, Wilhelmine von
German fiction -- Translations into English
her mind is so alive that she labours with all the ardent desire, the
breathless interest, of the devotee of science. And if she succeeds, at
the sacrifice of her life, in contributing some addition to the
universal stock of knowledge, she has done only what would have
cost a man far less pains. The result of her work is wrung from her
death-agony, and the world, with a shrug of its shoulders, says, 'It is
about all that a woman could do!' Is praise thus qualified not
purchased too dearly at the cost of health and life?"
Ernestine had listened with intense eagerness. Her dark eyes were
riveted upon the speaker. As he ceased, she folded her hands in her lap
and said, "What injustice you do me if you think that desire for the
world's applause is the moving spring of my actions! Yes, I do long for
recognition; that I have confessed to you. But I might have obtained it
more easily if I had chosen other branches of science, and my uncle
allowed me to choose. I selected, from inclination, natural philosophy,
and, in especial, physiology. I cared little for history, because I
care little for mankind. Moral philosophy seems to me too dogmatical,
so does religion. Nature alone is always filled with new, genuine life.
'There I know,' as Johannes Müller says, 'whom I serve and what I
have.' Physiology has opened a new world for me,--or, better still, has
re-created the old world, for I truly see only when I understand what I
am looking at;--every sunbeam glancing in a dewdrop, every wave of
sound borne to my ear from afar, awakens new and vivid images in my
mind. What enjoyment is comparable to that which science offers us! She
makes the real a miracle,--and shows us the miraculous as reality. And
shall I resign this ennobling possession because I am a woman? And can
this inspiring search for life bring me death? Oh, no! I cannot, I will
not believe it!"
Johannes held out his hand to her. "You are a rarely-gifted woman, and
comprehend the nature of science. But, supposing that you possessed the
rare power--both of body and mind--to accomplish the task which you
propose to yourself, you must do it at the cost of your vocation as a
woman. For no woman can fulfil both these offices. As a scholar, you
must live exclusively for your studies; the duties of wife and mother
would distract you too much to admit of your accomplishing your
purposes, for they require an entire lifetime. Now you have the courage
to endure the want of love and happiness growing out of your
determination, but will your courage last? When age and illness assail
you,--when you become weak and helpless and need faithful, devoted
hands about you and true loving hearts upon which you can rest from
weariness and pain, and there is no one belonging to you,--because you
have chosen to belong to no one,--how will it be then? Have you no
presentiment of such misery? Is there no desire for consolation, no
longing for love, in your inmost soul?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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