Only a Girl: or, A Physician for the Soul.Hillern, Wilhelmine von
General
Only a Girl: or, A Physician for the Soul.
Hillern, Wilhelmine von
German fiction -- Translations into English
"Oh, Möllner," cried the beautiful woman, flushed with delight, "I
would give all that I possess, and all that I am, for one such grateful
glance from your eyes! I know what the injustice is of which you speak.
You have hitherto despised me, and now you see that there is something
in me worthy of admiration. Yes, I have lived wildly,--I have not
heeded the restraints imposed upon woman by man, because I did not
respect mankind. Now, now I acknowledge them, because at last I have
found a human being whom I respect from the depths of my soul, and to
whom I would gratefully commit the guidance of my life. I can give what
is better than a few thousand roubles. I am capable of the sacrifice of
myself! If I thought it would win me your esteem, I would throw away
whip and rein. My hand should know only the needle. I would never mount
horse again,--never rush from place to place, sipping the froth of this
world's delights. I would never stir from this spot, but lie here,
clasping your knees, a penitential Magdalene. My wealth I would cast at
your feet, and lay aside all splendour that might charm other eyes than
yours. All that I have to give, so ardently desired by others, should
be yours. I should think it an act of mercy if you deigned to accept my
gift. I know how I transgress all law and custom when I, a woman, thus
offer myself to him whom I love,--but what would be a departure from
womanly delicacy and reserve in others, is for me a return thither. It
is not for me to wait proudly for such a man as you to bring me his
heart. I am sunk so low that in remorseful humiliation I must sue for
esteem and love, try to deserve them by the penitence of a lifetime,
and not murmur if they are withheld from me. I feel the disgrace of
this; but, oh, if I can only through this disgrace recover my lost
honour,--if I can only, by thus transgressing law, cease to be lawless!
Believe me, it is no fleeting emotion that speaks through my lips,--it
is the despairing effort of a stray soul to grasp the redeeming power
of a true love!"
She could scarcely conclude; overcome by passion, she fell upon her
knees, stretched out her arms to him as if drowning, and burst into a
storm of sobs.
Johannes sought in vain to raise her. He was stunned, as it were, by
this volcanic outburst. Suddenly, into the gaping wounds made by
Ernestine's coldness, poured the hot lava-stream of a passion of which,
in the temperate zone of his German intellectual existence, he had
never dreamed. He stood as if before some startling natural phenomenon,
amazed, overwhelmed, unable to collect himself. One thought filled his
mind. Where he longed for love he could not find it, and where he
neither desired nor hoped for it he found it in fullest measure. The
contrast was too vivid; as if dazzled, he covered his eyes with his
hand, and a profound sigh escaped him.
She drew his hand away from his face, and asked, "Möllner, is that sigh
for me?"
"For both of us."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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