"I know it," she breathed. Then, with a sharp, almost fierce energy,
"Have you come to tell me that--me who know him so well? Was it worth
while? Do you think I do not know what I have lost?"
"You promised not to be angry with me, Stella."
"Forgive me--I--I scarcely know what I am saying! You did not come for
that; what then?"
"To hear from your own lips, Stella, the reason for this. Bear with me,
dear! Remember that I am his sister, that I love him with a love only
second to yours! That all my life I have loved him, and that my heart
is breaking at the sight of his unhappiness. I have come to tell you
this--to plead for him--to plead with you for yourself! Do not turn a
deaf ear, a cold heart to me, Stella! Do not, do not!" and she clung to
the hot hands, and looked up at the white face with tearful, imploring
eyes.
"You say you know him; you may do so; but not so well as I, his sister.
I know every turn of his nature--am I not of the same flesh and blood?
Stella, he is not like other men--quick to change and forget. He will
never bend and turn as other men. Stella, you will break his heart!"
Stella turned on her like some tortured animal driven to bay.
"Do I not know it! Is it not this knowledge that is breaking my
heart--that has already broken it?" she retorted wildly. "Do you think
I am sorrowing for myself alone? Do you think me so mean, so selfish?
Listen, Lady Lilian, if--if this separation were to bring him happiness
I could have borne it with a smile. If you could come to me and say,
'He will forget you and his love in a week--a month--a year!' I would
welcome you as one who brings me consolation and hope. Who am I that
I should think of myself alone?--I, the miserable, insignificant girl
whom he condescended to bless with his love! I am--nothing! Nothing
save what his love made me. If my life could have purchased his
happiness I would have given it. Lady Lilian you do not know me----"
The tempest of her passion overawed the other weak and trembling girl.
"You love him so!" she murmured.
Stella looked at her with a smile.
"I love him," she said, slowly. "I will never say it again, never! I
say it to you that you may know and understand how deep and wide is the
gulf which stretches between us--so wide that it can never, never be
overpassed."
"No, no, you shall not say it."
Stella smiled bitterly.
"I think I know why you have come, Lilian. You think this a mere
lovers' quarrel, that a word will set straight. Quarrel! How little you
know either him or me. There never could have been a quarrel between
us--one cannot quarrel with oneself! His word, his wish were law to
me. If he had said 'do this,' I should have done it--if he had said
'go thither,' I should have gone; but once he laid his command on me,
and I obeyed. There is nothing I would not have done--nothing, if he
had bidden me. I know it now--I know now that I was like a reed in his
hands now that I have lost him."
Lilian put her hand upon her lips.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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