Sudden fire leaped into her dark eyes, but she said, with dignity, "Mr.
Gregory, you disappoint me greatly. You assume a weakness--a
disability--which does not and cannot exist under the circumstances.
You made me a promise, but now impose a new condition which I did not
dream of at the time, and which I cannot accept. You are asking more
than you have a right to ask. However imperfect my efforts have been in
your behalf, they were at least sincere and unselfish, and I was
beginning to have a warm regard for you as a friend. I tell you frankly
that I am most anxious that we should remain friends as before. If so,
this kind of folly must cease now and forever. I have no right to
listen to such words at all, and would not but for your sake, and in
the hope of removing from your mind a very mistaken and unworthy idea.
You are entirely wrong in thinking that your future depends solely upon
me. It cannot--it ought not. It rests between you and God, and you
cannot shift the responsibility. I am willing to do all you can ask of
a sister, but no more. Do you think I have no needs, no weakness,
myself? In a husband I want a man I can lean upon as well as help. I
wish to marry one with a higher moral character than mine, to whom I
can look up. There is the widest difference in the world between giving
help, and even sincere affection to those who win it, and giving one's
self away. Simple justice requires that my happiness and feelings be
considered also. It is selfish in you to ask of me this useless
sacrifice of myself."
Annie's quick, passionate nature was getting the better of her. It
seemed in a certain sense disloyalty to Hunting to have listened thus
long to Gregory. Moreover, not believing in nor understanding the
latter's love for her, she was indignant that he should seek to employ
her as a sort of stepping-stone into heaven. She would despise the man
who sought her merely to advance his earthly interests, and she was
growing honestly angry at Gregory, who, it seemed, wanted her only as a
guide and staff in his pilgrimage--justly angry, too, if she were right.
Gregory became very pale as her words quivered in his heart like
arrows, but in the consciousness of a true and unselfish love, he
looked at her unfalteringly to the last, and said, "In justice to
myself I might again urge that you misunderstand me. I asked for
nothing now, only a hope for the future based on what I possibly might
become. But, as you say, I now know I asked too much--more than I had a
right to. You can never look up to me, and with a sadness you will
never understand, I admit myself answered finally. But there is one
imputation in your words that I cannot rest under. I solemnly assert
before God, and in the name of my mother, that my love for you is as
strong, pure, and unselfish as can exist in my half-wrecked nature."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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