As office boy I made such a mark That they gave me the post of a junior clerk. I served the wits with a smile so bland, And I copied all the letters in a big round hand. I copied all the letters in a hand so free, That now I am the ruler of the Queen's Navee. In serving writs I made such a name That an articled clerk I soon became. I wore clean collars and a brand new suit For the pass examination at the Institute. And that pass examination did so well for me That now I am the ruler of the Queen's Navee. This was only a part of the recipe, but the rest of it was just as profound. After he is through exploiting himself, he bullies the Captain a little, and then his eye alights on Ralph Rackstraw. "You are a remarkably fine fellow, my lad," he says to Ralph quite patronizingly. "I am the very finest fellow in the navy," Ralph returns, honouring the spirit of the day by showing how entirely satisfied with himself he is. "How does your Captain behave himself?" Sir Joseph asks. "Very well, indeed, thank you. I am willing to commend him," Ralph returns. "Ah--that is delightful--and so, with your permission, Captain, I will have a word with you in private on a very sentimental subject--in short, upon an affair of the heart." "With joy, Sir Joseph--and, Boatswain, in honour of this occasion, see that extra grog is served to the crew at seven bells." "I will condescend to do so," the Boatswain assures the Captain, whereupon the Captain, Sir Joseph, and his sisters and his cousins and his aunts leave the deck. "You all seem to think a deal on yourselves," Dick Deadeye growls, as he watches these performances. "We do, we do--aren't we British sailors? Doesn't the entire universe depend on us for its existence? We are fine fellows--Sir Joseph has just told us so." "Yes--we may aspire to anything--" Ralph interpolates excitedly. He had begun to think that Josephine may not be so unattainable after all. "The devil you can," responds Dick. "Only I wouldn't let myself get a-going if I were you. What if ye got going and couldn't stop?" the one-eyed gentleman inquires solicitously. "Oh, stow it!" the crew shouts. "If we hadn't more self-respect 'n you've got, we'd put out both our eyes," the estimable crew declares, and then retires to compliment itself,--that is, all but Ralph. He leans upon the bulwark and looks pensive; and at intervals he sighs. While he is sighing his very loudest, Josephine enters. Sir Joseph has been making love to her, and she is telling herself and everybody who happens to be leaning against the bulwark sighing pensively, that the Admiral's attentions oppress her. This is Ralph's opportunity. He immediately tells her that he loves her, and she tells him to "refrain, audacious tar," but he does not refrain in the least. In short he decides upon the spot to blow out his brains. He pipes all hands on deck to see him do it, and they come gladly.