I discovered that the power to fight and overcome great obstacles in this life, and which had always served me in my struggles theretofore, and which I relied upon then, was the very first thing destroyed by the enemy, namely, the will. Here I was, then, an opium eater. The outward effects and injurious properties of the drug soon made themselves manifest: what was I to do? Quit it, some may say; but no one well posted upon the opium habit would use those words, so hard and feelingless. A reply like this, I think, would betray more wisdom and humanity: "Your case is wellnigh hopeless; I can give you no encouragement whatever; do your utmost to release yourself from the unhappy predicament in which you have been placed; and may God help you, for I fear you will need other help beside your own." "What then? What rests? Try what repentance can: what can it not? Yet what can it, when one cannot repent? Oh, wretched state!" CHAPTER VII. THE WAR BEGINS.--STRUGGLES TO RENOUNCE OPIUM.--PHYSICAL PHENOMENA OBSERVED IN ATTEMPTING TO LEAVE OFF THE DRUG.--DIFFICULTY IN ABJURING THE FIEND.--I FAIL ABSOLUTELY.--SOME DIFFERENCE WITH DE QUINCEY REGARDING THE EFFECTS OF OPIUM.--A PRELIMINARY FORESIGHT INTO THE HORRORS OF OPIUM. Whether to annoy the reader with the history of my repeated attempts and failures, that is the question: for that I did attempt to throw off my shackles, honestly and earnestly, I would have the reader fairly believe. Yet why traverse again step by step this sad pilgrimage; the reader has read similar experiences; then why trouble him with mine? Simply because in the lives of all persons there is some variation, one from another; and besides this, though I have taken some pains to read fully our opium literature, as I may properly term it, I must say that I have found it in a very demoralizing condition. That is, it does the reader, with reference to opium, more harm than good--and much more. I know this from experience, and it is one of the moving reasons why this personal history is written. I might tire the reader's patience over and again, by recounting my frequent attempts to throw off the accursed incubus, but shall content myself with briefly referring to such as may benefit the public, and especially those who are in danger from opium, but who as yet have not passed beyond recovery. The first attempt of any real interest I made about one year after the commencement of my unfortunate medical treatment, which resulted in fastening the habit upon me. In order that I might be as well advised in the undertaking as convenient, I called upon a veteran physician, as well as opium eater, of the place for information and counsel. One of the consequences attending previous attempts had been diarrhoea, and a general upsetting of all the gastric functions. I did not know why this was, or that it attended all cases necessarily.