_Sir J._ That you are their captain is an accident of birth. I cannot permit these noble fellows to be patronized because an accident of birth has placed you above them and them below you. _Capt._ I am the last person to insult a British sailor, Sir Joseph. _Sir J._ You are the last person who did, Captain Corcoran. Desire that splendid seaman to step forward. _Capt._ Ralph Rackstraw, come here. _Sir J._ (_sternly_). If what? _Capt._ I beg your pardon---- _Sir J._ If you _please_. _Capt._ Oh yes, of course. If you _please_. [_RALPH steps forward._ _Sir J._ You’re a remarkably fine fellow. _Ralph._ Yes, your honour. _Sir J._ And a first-rate seaman, I’ll be bound. _Ralph._ There’s not a smarter topman in the navy, your honour, though I say it who shouldn’t. _Sir J._ Not at all. Proper self-respect, nothing more. Can you dance a hornpipe? _Ralph._ No, your honour. _Sir J._ That’s a pity: all sailors should dance hornpipes. I will teach you one this evening, after dinner. Now, tell me--don’t be afraid--how does your captain treat you, eh? _Ralph._ A better captain don’t walk the deck, your honour. _All._ Hear! _Sir J._ Good. I like to hear you speak well of your commanding officer; I dare say he don’t deserve it, but still it does you credit. Can you sing? _Ralph._ I can hum a little, your honour. _Sir J._ Then hum this at your leisure. (_Giving him MS. music._) It is a song that I have composed for the use of the Royal Navy. It is designed to encourage independence of thought and action in the lower branches of the service, and to teach the principle that a British sailor is any man’s equal, excepting mine. Now, Captain Corcoran, a word with you in your cabin, on a tender and sentimental subject. _Capt._ Ay, ay, Sir Joseph. Boatswain, in commemoration of this joyous occupation, see that extra grog is served out to the ship’s company at one bell. _Boat._ Beg pardon. If what, your honour? _Capt._ If what? I don’t think I understand you. _Boat._ If you _please_, your honour. _Capt._ What! _Sir J._ The gentleman is quite right. If you _please_. _Capt._ (_stamping his foot impatiently_). If you _please_! _Sir J._ For I hold that on the seas The expression, “If you please,” A particularly gentlemanly tone implants. _Cousin H._ And so do his sisters, and his cousins, and his aunts! _All._ And so do his sisters, and his cousins, and his aunts! [_Exeunt CAPTAIN and SIR JOSEPH into cabin._ _Boat._ Ah! Sir Joseph’s a true gentleman: courteous and considerate to the very humblest. _Ralph._ True, Boatswain; but we are not the very humblest. Sir Joseph has explained our true position to us. As he says, a British seaman is any man’s equal excepting his; and if Sir Joseph says that, is it not our duty to believe him? _All._ Well spoke! well spoke!