_Gen._ I know our mythic history, King Arthur’s and Sir Caradoc’s, I answer hard acrostics, I’ve a pretty taste for paradox, I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus, In conics I can floor peculiarities parabolous. I can tell undoubted Raphaels from Gerard Dows and Zoffanies; I know the croaking chorus from the “Frogs” of Aristophanes. Then I can hum a fugue, of which I’ve heard the music’s din afore, (_Bothered for next rhyme._) --Din afore, din afore, din afore--(_struck with an idea_) And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense “Pinafore.” (_Joyously._) And whistle all the airs, etc. _All._ And whistle all the airs, etc. _Gen._ Then I can write a washing bill in Babylonic cuneiform, And tell you every detail of Caractacus’s uniform. In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral, I am the very pattern of a modern major-gineral. _All._ In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral, He is the very pattern of a modern major-gineral. _Gen._ In fact, when I know what is meant by mamelon and ravelin, When I can tell at sight a chassepôt ride from a javelin, When such affairs as sorties and surprises I’m more wary at, And when I know precisely what is meant by commissariat, When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern gunnery, When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery; In short, when I’ve a smattering of elemental strategy, (_Bothered for next rhyme._) --Strategy, strategy--(_struck with an idea_) You’ll say a better major-gener_al_ has never _sat_ a gee-- (_Joyously._) You’ll say a better major-gener_al_ has never _sat_ a gee! _All._ You’ll say a better, etc. _Gen._ For my military knowledge, though I’m plucky and adventury, Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century, But still in learning vegetable, animal, and mineral, etc. _All._ But still in learning vegetable, animal, and mineral, He is the very model of a modern major-gineral. _Gen._ And now that I’ve introduced myself I should like to have some idea of what’s going on. _Kate._ Oh, papa--we---- _Sam._ Permit me, I’ll explain in two words: we propose to marry your daughters. _Gen._ Dear me! _Girls._ Against our wills, papa--against our wills! _Gen._ Oh, but you mustn’t do that. May I ask--this is a picturesque costume, but I’m not familiar with it--what are you? _King._ We are all single gentlemen. _Gen._ Yes, I gathered that--anything else? _King._ No, nothing else. _Edith._ Papa, don’t believe them, they are pirates--the famous Pirates of Penzance!