She had exerted no wiles, but she could not be illusive, and the
obvious qualities of Dinah which had appealed to Johnny's first love
had also, for different reasons, overwhelmed Maynard. Many men by
these very qualities in her would have been repulsed. Experienced
men might have missed those elements in Dinah that, for them, make a
woman most provocative and desirable; but in the case of this man,
his own experience of life and his personal adventure combined to
intensify the charm that her peculiar nature possessed. He had known
nothing like her; she contrasted at almost every possible point with
what he had known; she shone for him as an exemplar of all that was
most desirable in feminine character. He could not believe that
there were many such women, and he doubted not that he would never
see such another. He had tried to adopt a fatherly attitude to Dinah
and, for a considerable time, succeeded. The view he took of her at
their first acquaintance, when she was betrothed to John Bamsey,
persisted after the breaking of the engagement; but the very breaking
of the engagement enlarged this view, and the freedom, that could no
longer be denied to her after that event, had improved their
knowledge of each other until both learned the same fact. Then
Maynard could play a fatherly friendship no more, nor could the
figment of an elder brother serve. He loved her and she loved him.
A thing he had never considered as possible now complicated a life
that for seven years he had striven with all his might to simplify;
and the new situation extended far beyond Dinah, for it was
calculated to alter his own agreement and undertaking with himself.
These covenants had been entered into with himself alone.
Circumstances had long ago combined, at a certain period of his
early, adult life, to change the entire texture of existence, deflect
its proposed purpose and throw down the goal he set out to attain.
And with the changes wrought in temporal ambitions had come others.
Life thus dammed ceased to flow. His future collapsed and in its
place appeared a new purpose, if negation could be called a purpose.
That had sufficed, though at a cost of mental corrosion he did not
guess; but now it seemed that a closed book was thrown open again and
he stood once more facing outlets to life that even implied
happiness. His existence for seven years, it appeared, had not been
a progression, but a hiatus. Yet he knew, even while he told himself
this, that it must be a delusion and a juggle with reality; since no
man can for seven years stand still.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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