She had broached the matter as delicately as possible. It had been in
her mind that she must speak to her father about their affairs, but she
had not thought the opportunity would offer so quickly. It was hard to
say to him that she had undertaken to manage the housekeeping as an
economical measure; that she knew he owed money that he had no immediate
prospect of paying.
The hurt look that she had seen in his eyes sometimes was heartbreaking.
When Phil was younger, she used to ask about her mother, but later she
had never referred to her. Her aunts had, after their fashion, not been
above using her mother to point a moral. In their lack of appreciation
of the keenness of the child's intuitions or her eager imagination, they
had established in her a belief that her mother was a bad woman: the
facts spoke for themselves. And having had a bad mother it was incumbent
upon Phil to choose her path with a particular care and to walk in it
circumspectly.
Phil had, by this time, considered the case from the changing viewpoints
natural to the young mind. In that rosy light through which a girl of
fifteen is apt to view life,--the first realizations of sex, the age of
the first novels,--Phil had not been free from the contemplation of her
mother as a romantic figure. For a woman to forsake a husband for a
lover was not without precedents. Phil had dreamed over this a good
deal, in an impersonal sort of way, and the unknown mother had been
glorified in scenes of renunciation, following nobly the high call of a
greater love. By a swift transition her father assumed the sympathetic
role in the domestic drama. She chanced upon novels in which the spurned
husband was exalted to the shame of the dishonorable wife. Her father
fitted well into this picture. She even added herself to the _dramatis
personae_, not without a sense of her value in the scene. But these were
only passing phases. There was no morbid strain in Phil. Her father was
the best of companions, and she was quick to recognize his fineness and
gentleness and to appreciate his cultivation with its background of
solid learning.
Phil's question startled her father. Money had never been discussed in
the household, and this new gravity in his daughter's eyes troubled him.
Phil's needs had been few; her demands had burdened him little. Her
aunts had bought her clothes and sent him the bills. When he gave her
money to spend, he never asked for an accounting, though he was often
amused by the uses to which she put it; and sometimes he had been
touched by her gifts at Christmas or on his birthdays, which ranged from
a reckless investment in gay neckties to a set of some author whose
definitive edition he had coveted--Shelley or Landor or Matthew Arnold.
No; money was not a subject that had interested Phil, and her father
found her direct question disconcerting.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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