Americans -- England -- Drama; Aristocracy (Social class) -- England -- Drama; Comedy plays
Flo Yes, you look delicate, dear; how is she this morning any better?
Dun When she recovers, she'll be better.
Flo I'm afraid you don't take good care of her, you are so rough.
Dun No, I'm not wruff, either. [Sings.] I'm gentle and I'm kind,
I'm ---- I forget the rest
Flo Well, good morning, dear--do take care of her--good day, Dundreary.
[Exit through gate.]
Dun Now, let me administer to your wants. How would you like a roast
chestnut?
Geo No, my lord, I'm too delicate.
Dun Well, then, a peanut; there is a great deal of nourishment in
peanuts.
Geo No, thank you.
Dun Then what can I do for you?
Geo If you please, ask the dairy maid to let me have a seat in the
dairy. I am afraid of the draft, here.
Dun Oh! you want to get out of the draft, do you? Well, you're not the
only one that wants to escape the draft. Is that the dairy on top of
that stick? [Points to pigeon house.]
Geo No, my lord, that's the pigeon house.
Dun What do they keep in pigeon houses? Oh! pigeons, to be sure;
they couldn't keep donkeys up there, could they? That's the dairy, I
suppothe?
Geo Yes, my lord.
Dun What do they keep in dairies?
Geo Eggs, milk, butter and cheese.
Dun What's the name of that animal with a head on it? No, I don't
mean that, all animals have heads. I mean those animals with something
growing out of their heads.
Geo A cow?
Dun A cow growing out of his head?
Geo No, no, horns.
Dun A cow! well, that accounts for the milk and butter; but I don't see
the eggs; cows don't give eggs; then there's the cheese--do you like
cheese?
Geo No, my lord.
Dun Does your brother like cheese?
Geo I have no brother. I'm so delicate.
Dun She's so delicate, she hasn't got a brother. Well, if you had a
brother do you think he'd like cheese?
Geo I don't know; do please take me to the dairy.
Dun Well, I will see if I can get you a broiled sardine. [Exit into
dairy.]
Geo [Jumps up.] Oh! I'm so glad he's gone. I am so dreadful hungry. I
should like a plate of corn beef and cabbage, eggs and bacon, or a slice
of cold ham and pickles.
Dun [Outside] Thank you, thank you.
Geo [Running back to seat.] Here he comes. Oh! I am so delicate.
Enter Dundreary.
Dun I beg you pardon, Miss Georgina, but I find upon enquiry that cows
don't give sardines. But I've arranged it with the dairy maid so that
you can have a seat by the window that overlooks the cow house and the
pig sty, and all the pretty things.
Geo I'm afraid I'm very troublesome.
Dun Yes, you're very troublesome, you are. No, I mean you're a lovely
sufferer, that's the idea. [They go up to cottage door.]
Enter Asa, running against Dundreary.
Dun There's that damned rhinoceros again. [Exit into cottage, with
Georgina.]
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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