I shall now briefly introduce another well-known character—Field Marshal
the late Duke of Wellington—he will be easily recognized from the fact
of his nasal probus being the most prominent feature of his face. I will
not go all over his history. You remember all about Magna Charta, and
the formation of a body called the Chartists. You know how the Spanish
Armada was defeated in Trafalgar Bay, and how Wellington cheered on his
men, saying, “I’ll be your leader.” You remember that little affair with
the Duchess of Salisbury at the ball at Brussels, and how the Duke was
made a knight of the Garter. Having brought the history thus far up to
the eve of Waterloo, let us confine our attention to that event. And
first, I notice it was not a _bootless_ expedition, for ever since that
event Wellington and Blucher boots have become an institution of your
free and enlightened country. Second, it is a popular fallacy to suppose
that His Grace was in any way connected with the trade of a hatter. When
he said “Up boys and (h)at ’em,” he merely wished his men to give the foe
a bonneting! Moral from the life. He earned a glorious reputation as the
Iron Duke, and his monument overlooking Hyde Park is the finest bit of
_irony_ extant.
Let us now turn to the figure of Richard III. A bad figure, as you will
see; and we learn on the very face of our subject that though deformities
may be put behind one’s back they are not therefore altogether out of
sight. Richard was Duke of Gloster, and it is generally admitted that it
was not the cheese for him to seize the crown in such mighty haste. As
you are aware, one of the main features of his reign was the introduction
of the pillo(w)ry, by which he smothered the two little princes in the
Tower.
And now, ladies and gentlemen, I must draw my entertainment to a close—
ROD. (_aside_). Now screw thy courage to the sticking place.
Here goes!
Ladies and gentlemen, I hope I don’t behave—
A. N. SMITH. Silence, slave!
ROD. Good sir, I crave permission just to say
Before this worthy audience goes away,
There’s still one figure more to show—
A. N. SMITH (_in surprise_). No!
ROD. Indeed there is—one worth her weight in gold.
Berlinda, Roderigo’s bride, behold!
(_Uncovers the figure and leads BERLINDA to the audience._)
Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve played our little game—
We’re satisfied (aint we, Berlinda?) we hope you are the same.
And now as all the parts of our charade you’ve heard,
It only rests with you to say the word.
[_Exit._
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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