Our Family Affairs, 1867-1896Benson, E. F. (Edward Frederic)
General
Our Family Affairs, 1867-1896
Benson, E. F. (Edward Frederic)
Benson family
persuasion, nor even asked me if I had attended these lectures. At the
very moment, in fact, when his wish, had he expressed it, that I should
take a theological Tripos with a view to ordination, would have had
effective weight, seeing that he was allowing me to spend a fourth year
at Cambridge, he, with a supreme and perfect delicacy, forbore to put a
pennyweight of his own desires into the scale, and welcomed the choice I
made of taking up archæology for a second Tripos. He merely wished me to
attend a few divinity lectures, and left it at that. Hugh, meantime,
triumphantly carrying the banner of early failure which I had so long
held against all comers, had unsuccessfully competed, after a year of
cramming, in the Indian Civil Service examination, which had been his
first choice of a profession. Having failed in that, he was to come up
to Trinity in October, unblushing and unhonoured. I passed the banner to
him with all good wishes.
There were some weeks of long vacation after the archæological decision
was made which I now know to have been loaded with fate so far as my own
subsequent life was concerned, though at the time those scribblings I
then indulged in seemed to be quite as void of significance as any
particular number of the _Saturday Magazine_ had been. For one morning,
at Cambridge, where I had returned for a few weeks before we went out to
Switzerland in August, I desisted from the perusal of Miss Harrison’s
_Mythology and Monuments of Ancient Athens_, and wrote on the top of a
piece of blue foolscap a word that has stuck to me all my life. For a
long time there had been wandering about in my head the idea of some
fascinating sort of modern girl, who tackled life with uncommon relish
and success, and was adored by the world in general, and had all the
embellishments that a human being can desire except a heart. Years ago
some adumbration of her had occurred in the story that Maggie and I
wrote together; that I suppose was the yeast that was now beginning to
stir and bubble in my head. She must ride, she must dance, she must have
all the nameless attraction that attaches to those who are as prismatic
and as hard as crystal, and above all she must talk. It was no use just
informing the reader that here was a marvellously fascinating
personality, as Maggie and I had done before, or that to see her was to
worship her, or that after a due meed of worship she would reveal
herself as no more than husk and colouring matter. Explanations and
assurances of that sort were now altogether to be dispensed with.
Scarcely even was the current of her thought, scarcely even were the
main lines of her personality to be drawn: she was to reveal herself by
what she said, and thus, whatever she did, would need no comment. There
is the plain presentment of the idea that occupied my youthful mind when
I wrote _Dodo_ at the top of a piece of blue foolscap, and put the
numeral “one” on the top right-hand corner; and where this crude story
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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