Our Family Affairs, 1867-1896Benson, E. F. (Edward Frederic)
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Our Family Affairs, 1867-1896
Benson, E. F. (Edward Frederic)
Benson family
That which above all gilded and glorified these delights, that which was
the stem from which their green leaves drew nourishment, was friendship.
All these were the foliage that was fed from that stem, though the sun
and the clear windy air and the rain fortified and refreshed them and
swelled the buds that expanded into flowers. For what man is there,
surrounded though he be with the love of wife and children, who does not
retain a memory of the romantic affection of boys for each other? Having
felt it, he could scarcely have forgotten it, and if he never felt it he
missed one of the most golden of the prizes of youth, unrecapturable in
mature life. In many ways boys are a sex quite apart from male or
female: though they take on much of what they are and of what they
learn, strengthened and expanded, into manhood, they leave behind, given
that they grow into normal and healthy beings, a certain emotional
affection towards the coevals of their own sex which is natural to
public-school boyhood, even as it is, though perhaps less robustly, to
girlhood. For twelve or thirteen weeks three times a year they live
exclusively among boys, and that at a time when their vigour is at its
strongest, and it would demand of them a fish-like inhumanity, if they
were asked to let their friendships alone have no share of the
tremendous high colours in which their lives are dipped. Naturally there
is danger about it (for what emotion worth having is not encompassed by
perils?) and this strong beat of affection may easily explode into
fragments of mere sensuality, be dissipated in mere “smut” and from
being a banner in the clean wind be trampled into mud. But promiscuous
immorality was, as far as I am aware, quite foreign to the school,
though we flamed into a hundred hot bonfires of these friendships,
which were discussed with a freedom that would seem appalling, if you
forgot that you were dealing with boys and not with men. Blaze after
blaze illumined our excited lives, for without being one whit less
genuine while they lasted, there was no very permanent quality about
these friendships. Your friend or you might get swept into another
orbit; diversity of tastes, promotion in school, conflicting interests
might sever you, and in all friendliness you passed on, with eyes eager
to give or to receive some new shy signal which heralded the approach of
another of these genial passions. For me the sentimentality that
coloured the choir-boy affair, or that not less misbegotten case of Mrs.
Carter had quite faded from my emotional palette, which now was spread
with hues far more robust and healthy. My signals were all made for the
strong and the masculine, and I quite put out my lights and showed a
stony blackness to flutterings from one of mincing walk or elegant
gestures or a conjectured softness of disposition. I loved the children
of the sun, and the friends of rain and wind, who were swift in the
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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