Having breakfasted, he stood idly at the window of his sitting-room.
His lodgings were in Upper Woburn Place, nearly opposite the church of
St. Pancras. He had read, he knew not where, that the crowning portion
of that remarkable edifice was modelled on the Temple of the Winds at
Athens, and, as he gazed at it this morning, he suffered from the
thought of his narrow experience in travel. A glimpse of the
Netherlands, of France, of Switzerland, was all he could boast. His
income had only just covered his expenditure; the holiday season always
found him more or less embarrassed, and unable to go far afield. What
Can one do on a paltry three hundred a year? Yet he regretted that he
had not used a stricter economy. He might have managed in cheaper
rooms; he might have done without this and the other little luxury. To
have travelled widely would now be of some use to him; it gave a man a
certain freedom in society, added an octave to the compass of his
discourse. Acquaintance with books did not serve the same end; and,
though he read a good deal, Dyce was tolerably aware that not by force
of erudition could he look for advancement. He began to perceive it as
a misfortune that he had not earlier in life become clear as to the
nature of his ambition. Until a couple of years ago he had scarcely
been conscious of any aim at all, for the literary impulses which used
to inspire his talk with Connie Bride were merely such as stir in every
youth of our time; they had never got beyond talk, and, on fading away,
left him without intellectual motive. Now that he knew whither his
desires and his abilities tended, he was harassed by consciousness of
imperfect equipment. Even academically he had not distinguished
himself; he had made no attempt at journalism; he had not brought
himself into useful contact with any political group. All he could
claim for encouragement was a personal something which drew attention,
especially the attention of women, in circles of the
liberal-minded--that is to say, among people fond of talking more or
less vaguely about very large subjects. For talk he never found himself
at a loss, and his faculty in this direction certainly grew. But as yet
he had not discovered the sphere which was wholly sympathetic and at
the same time fertile of opportunity.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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