The vicar went about his long day's work, and took with him many uneasy
reflections. He bad not thought of it before breakfast, but now it
struck him that much in that pungent article on the men of to-day might
perchance apply to the character and conduct of his own son. "A habit
of facile enthusiasm, not perhaps altogether insincere, but totally
without moral value . . . convictions assumed at will, as a matter of
fashion, or else of singularity . . . the lack of stable purpose, save
only in matters of gross self-interest . . . an increasing tendency to
verbose expression . . . an all but utter lack of what old-fashioned
people still call principle. . . ." these phrases recurred to his
memory, with disagreeable significance. Was that in truth a picture of
his son, of the boy whom he had loved and watched over and so zealously
hoped for? Possibly he wronged Dyce, for the young man's mind and heart
had long ceased to be clearly legible to him. "Worst, perhaps, of all
these frequent traits is the affectation of--to use a silly
word--altruism. The most radically selfish of men seem capable of
persuading themselves into the belief that their prime motive is to
'live for others.' Of truly persuading themselves--that is the strange
thing. This, it seems to us, is morally far worse than the unconscious
hypocrisy which here and there exists in professors of the old
religion; there is something more nauseous about self-deceiving
'altruism' than in the attitude of a man who, thoroughly worldly in
fact, believes himself a hopeful candidate for personal salvation."
Certain recent letters of Dyce appeared in a new light when seen from
this point of view. It was too disagreeable a subject; the vicar strove
to dismiss it from his mind.
In the afternoon, he had to visit a dying man, an intelligent
shopkeeper, who, while accepting the visit as a proof of kindness,
altogether refused spiritual comfort, and would speak of nothing but
the future of his children. Straightway Mr. Lashmar became the
practical consoler, lavish of kindly forethought. Only when he came
forth did he ask himself whether he could possibly fulfil half of what
he had undertaken.
"It is easier," he reflected, "to make promises for the world to come.
Is it not also better? After all, can I not do it with a clearer
conscience?"
He walked slowly, worrying about this and fifty other things, feeling a
very Atlas under the globe's oppression. Rig way took him across a
field in which there was a newly bourgeoned copse; he remembered that,
last spring, he had found white violets about the roots of the trees. A
desire for their beauty and odour possessed him; he turned across the
grass. Presently a perfume guided him to a certain mossy corner where
pale sweet florets nestled amid their leaves. He bent over them, and
stretched his hand to pluck, but in the same moment checked himself;
why should he act the destroyer in this spot of perfect quietness and
beauty?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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