“Mammon, Mammon,” cried Wynne, for want of a better thought.
“Oh no. Don’t think I crave for money, for it isn’t so; but one must
have money if one is never to think of it.”
“Why?”
“Isn’t half the sorrow in the world traceable to such little causes as
an extra halfpenny on a quartern of bread?”
“Not untrue,” Wynne nodded. His eyes fell on the dirty gas-ring of the
grate, and he frowned. “Why do you come here, then?”
“Don’t you know?” she replied.
“No. It’s squalid enough!”
“Then it is because you are the first real person I have ever met
outside the cover of a book.”
“I give you something, then?”
“A great deal.”
A modesty seized him, touched with self-reproach.
“Only because it pleases me,” he said, brusquely. “The giving is done by
you. That much I realize.”
“I’m glad—and I’m glad to give.”
“Yes, a woman’s life is to give—that’s natural law—the only kind of
law worth accepting.” He hesitated—then, “Are you satisfied to give?”
She smiled her wise, intricate smile, and he did not wait for the
answer.
“You never smile as you should,” he reproached. “Yours is a thinking
smile—perplexing. Do you never smile or laugh from sheer happiness?”
“Perhaps I have never yet been sheerly happy.”
“What would make you?”
“I haven’t found out.”
“But I want to know. If you smiled for me you would seem less remote.”
“Am I remote?”
“Yes—remote is the word.” He looked at her fixedly, then shook himself
and began to pace up and down the room. When next he spoke his voice was
querulous and irritable:
“I should have been working all this while. The train of my thoughts is
all upset—disordered. It is unlike you to disturb me. I’ve lost an
hour. Tomorrow I must work all day—alone.”
“Go back to yourself,” she said, gently.
She did not leave at once, but half an hour later he looked up and saw
she was buttoning her coat.
“You needn’t go.”
“I had better,” she said; and at the door—“I come here too often,
perhaps. It is selfish of me.”
“But I like you to be here—I want you here. I meant nothing—only I’m a
little keyed up and worried. I don’t know why.”
“It’s all right,” said Eve. “Just for tomorrow I’ll stay away.”
“You want to?”
“No; but it is good sometimes to do what one doesn’t want. G’bye.” And
she was gone.
That night, as he lay in bed, the same feeling of self-reproach which
had sprung into being for an instant during their talk came back to him
heavily.
“What do I do for her? Nothing.”
IV
The thought awoke with him next day, and seemed to write itself across
the pages of his manuscript. He could not concentrate, and the ink on
his dipped pen dried times without number, and not a line was committed
to the paper. The hour for their united meal came, and with it a feeling
of loneliness and disappointment. He made no attempt to set the table
for himself, but sat staring dully at the criss-cross lines of the
window transoms, fiddling aimlessly with the books and papers before
him.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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