Out of the Hurly-Burly; Or, Life in an Odd CornerClark, Charles Heber
General
Out of the Hurly-Burly; Or, Life in an Odd Corner
Clark, Charles Heber
American fiction -- 19th century; Humorous stories
The braves thought it was queer, but they did not give the subject very
serious attention until after the massacre of a certain band of
emigrants which had passed close by the camp of the tribe. There were
just twenty persons in the company, and after the butchery several
Indians took the trouble to count the bodies and to keep tally with a
butcher-knife upon the side of a chip. That night, when the scalps were
numbered, each brave had one or two apiece, but Squatting Bear handed
out exactly forty-seven of the most beautiful bunches of human hair that
had ever been seen west of the Mississippi. The braves looked cross-eyed
at each other and cleared their throats. Two of their number stole out
to the battlefield for the purpose of counting the bodies again, and of
ascertaining if this had been a menagerie with a few double-headed
persons in the party.
Yes, there lay exactly twenty corpses, and, to make matters worse, one
of them was a bald-headed man who, for additional security to his scalp,
had run a skate-strap over his head and buckled it under his chin.
When they returned, the entire camp devoted itself to meditation and
calculation.
Twenty men killed and forty-seven scalps in the possession of a single
Indian, without counting those secured by other participants in the
contest! The more the warriors pondered over this fact, the more
perplexing it became. A brave, while eating his supper and reflecting
upon the problem, would suddenly imagine he saw his way clear, and he
would stop, with his mouth full of baked dog, and fix his eyes upon the
wall and think desperately hard. But the solution invariably eluded him.
Then all of them would glide behind their wigwams and perform abstruse
mathematical calculations upon their fingers, and they would get sticks
and jam the points into the sand and do hard sums out of their
aboriginal arithmetic. And they would tear around through the Indian
rule of three, and struggle through their own kind of vulgar fractions,
and wrestle with something that they believed to be a multiplication
table. But in vain. Forty-seven scalps off twenty heads! It seemed
incredible and impossible.
They tried it with algebra, and let the number of heads equal _x_ and
the number of scalps equal _y_, and they multiplied _x_ into _y_ and
subtracted every letter in the alphabet in succession from the result
until their brains reeled; but still the mystery remained unsolved.
At last a secret council was held, and it was determined that Squatting
Bear must have some powerful and wonderful charm which enabled him to
perform such miracles, and all hands agreed to investigate the matter
upon the first opportunity. So the next week there was another fight, in
which four persons were killed, and that night Squatting actually had
the audacity to rush out one hundred and eighty-seven scalps, and to ask
those benighted savages, sitting around their fire, to believe that he
had snatched all that hair from those four heads.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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