Often I have heard, over here, that it is impossible for an Englishman to see a good joke. A man told me once that the Kaiser was disguising his submarines as jests, with an obvious design. The idea was interesting to me, because if there is one thing that we Britons pride ourselves upon, it is our sense of humour. Of course, the explanation is obvious. Most humour is based upon the surprising incidents and coincidents of domestic relations, and how on earth are we poor British to appreciate specious American humour when we know nothing of American home life, and but little of American society? When I arrived here first, I regarded the funny page of a newspaper as pure drivel; now I never miss having a good laugh when I read it. I have become educated. Once or twice in these letters I have slanged my own countrymen, but my American friends will not misunderstand, I am quite sure. If I were an American, perhaps I should have the right to criticise the American people. During these times of stress it is difficult to concentrate upon anything not connected with the war, and so these papers have been written, sometimes sitting in a parlor car, sometimes at peace in my room at Bethlehem, and sometimes at meetings while awaiting my turn to speak. So I apologize for much that is careless in my effort towards good English, hoping that my readers will realize that while I desire to amuse them, still underlying much that is flippant, there is a definite hope that I shall succeed just a little in helping to cement a strong intelligent friendship between the two great Anglo-Saxon nations. HECTOR MACQUARRIE. BETHLEHEM, PA., November, 1917. CONTENTS CHAPTER PAGE I. A NAVAL BATTLE FOLLOWED BY SERVICE AT SEA 11 II. NEW YORK SHELLED WITH SHRAPNEL AND AN ENTRANCE MADE TO THE "HOLY CITY" 17 III. SOCIAL AMENITIES IN "BACK BILLETS" 36 IV. "VERY'S LIGHTS" 46 V. A CHRISTMAS TRUCE 52 VI. GERMAN FRIGHTFUL FOOLISHNESS! A NEW ALLY! THE HATCHET SHOWS SIGNS OF BECOMING BURIED 77 VII. SOME BRITISH SHELLS FALL SHORT 84 VIII. LACRYMATORY SHELLS 95 IX. SHELLS 113 X. SUBMARINES 129 XI. AN OFFENSIVE BOMBARDMENT 137 XII. SIX DAY'S LEAVE 146 XIII. GUNS AND CARRIAGES 162 XIV. A PREMATURE 180 XV. "BON FOR YOU: NO BON FOR ME" 188 XVI. A NAVAL VICTORY 196 XVII. POISONOUS GAS 209 XVIII. THROUGH PENNSYLVANIA 219