Over Here: Impressions of America by a British officerMacQuarrie, Hector
History
Over Here: Impressions of America by a British officer
MacQuarrie, Hector
United States -- Description and travel; United States -- Social life and customs -- 1865-1918; World War, 1914-1918 -- United States
The wild and woolly ones are delightful. John Devereaux, bored with his
New York home, and his gentle and elegant mother, decides to visit a
friend out west. He arrives in a strange cart which looks like a spider
on wheels driven by a white haired person wearing a broad brimmed hat
and decorated with several pistols or even only one. He seems to find
himself almost at once in a dancing hall, where wicked-looking though
charming young ladies are dancing with fine handsome young fellows, all
armed to the teeth, and with their hair nicely parted. In the corner of
the room is the boss, sinister and evil looking, talking to as nice
looking a young person as one could possibly meet. The dancing seems to
stop, and then follows a "close up" of the nice looking young person. (A
little disappointing this "close up." A little too much paint
mademoiselle, _n'est ce pas_, on the lips and under the eyes?) Then a
"close up" of the boss. This is very thrilling and the widest
possibilities of terrible things shortly to happen are presented to us
fans, as we see him chew his cigar and move it from one side of his
mouth to the other. They both discuss John Devereaux and then follows a
"close up" of our hero. He is certainly good looking, and his fine
well-made sporting suit fits him well and shows off his strong figure.
But wait till you see him on a horse which has not a good figure, but an
extremely useful mouth that can be tugged to pieces by John Devereaux as
he wheels him around. I am going to start a mission to movie actors in
horse management, and I am going to dare to tell them that to make a
horse come round quickly and still be able to use him for many years, it
is not necessary to jag his dear old mouth to bits. I am also going to
teach them how to feed a horse so that his bones don't stick out in
parts even if he is a wicked looking pie-bald. I am also going to teach
them that if you have twelve miles to ride it is an awful thing to jag
your spurs into his flanks and make him go like hell. I suppose they
will enjoy my mission, and it will have the same success that all
missions have--but this by the way.
John Devereaux is a very handsome chap, and I like him from the start,
and I am greatly comforted when I know that the charming young person
will throw her fan in the face of the boss, pinch all his money and live
for a few sad days in extremely old-fashioned but becoming clothes
(generally a striped waist) with another worthy but poor friend, and
then marry our hero. I come away greatly comforted and retire, feeling
that the world without romance would be a dull place.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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