Parents and childrenMason, Charlotte M. (Charlotte Maria)
Philosophy
Parents and children
Mason, Charlotte M. (Charlotte Maria)
Child rearing; Education -- Parent participation
The light smart slap, with which the mother visits the little child
when he is naughty, is often both effective and educative. It changes
the current of baby’s thoughts, and he no longer wishes to pull his
sister’s hair. But should not the slap be a last resort when no other
way is left of changing his thoughts? With the older child a theory
of punishments rests less upon the necessity to change the culprit’s
thoughts than upon the hope of forming a new association of ideas, that
is, of certain pains and penalties inevitably attached to certain forms
of wrong-doing. This, we know too well, is a teaching of life, and is
not to be overlooked in education. The experience of each of us goes to
prove that every breach of law, in thought or deed, is attended by its
own penalties, immediate or remote, and the child who is not brought
up to know that “due follows deed in course,” is sent out to his first
campaign undrilled and untrained, a raw recruit.
Our contention is (_a_), that the need for punishment is mostly
preventable, and (_b_), that the fear of punishment is hardly ever
so strong a motive as the delight of the particular wrong-doing in
view. If punishment were necessarily reformative and able to cure us
all of those “sins we have a mind to,” why, the world would be a very
good world, for no manner of sin escapes its present punishment. The
fact is, not that punishment is unnecessary or that it is useless,
but that it is inadequate and barely touches our aim; which is, not
the visitation of the offence, but the correction of that fault of
character of which the offence is the outcome. Jemmy tells lies and
we punish him, and by so doing we mark our sense of the offence; but,
probably, no punishment could be invented drastic enough to cure Jemmy
of telling lies in the future, and this is the thing to be aimed at.
No, we must look deeper; we must find out what weak place in character,
what false habit of thinking, leads Jemmy to tell lies, and we must
deal with this false habit in the only possible way, by forming the
contrary habit of true thinking, which will make Jemmy grow up a true
man. “I think I have never told a lie since,” said a lady, describing
the single conversation in which her father cured her of lying by
setting up an altogether new train of thought.
Not mere spurts of occasional punishment, but the incessant
watchfulness and endeavour which go to the forming and preserving
of the habits of the good life, is what we mean by discipline, and
from this point of view never were there such disciplinarians as the
parents who labour on the lines we indicate. Every habit of courtesy,
consideration, order, neatness, punctuality, truthfulness, is itself a
schoolmaster, and orders life with the most unfailing diligence.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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