Who bade me shun those friends of vice Which undergraduates entice, In shape of billiards, cards, and dice? My Tutor. Let Paley be my constant friend, Eight hours each day in studies spend, And chapels night and morn attend? My Tutor. By such a course that worthy planned First class in Little Go I’d land, A credit to my College, and My Tutor. But who next day, by all that’s odd, Happened to note me as I trod Across the grassplots in the quad? My Tutor. And saw (what fools some people are!) Me puffing at my first cigar, And called it “most irregular”? My Tutor. Who’s now my foe inveterate, Who every night at half-past eight Keeps me within the College gate? My Tutor. Because I chanced to skip, you know, And thought intolerably slow His lectures on the Little Go? My Tutor. Who is so shy he shuns to meet One of his College in the street? Who dare not let you see his feet? My Tutor. Who always is agreable with Lord Jones, but keeps a great broad frith Between himself and Sizar Smith? My Tutor. Who is it whom I ought to dread And hang on every word he’s said But whom I caricature instead? My Tutor. From _Paulopostprandials_, published by Jones and Piggott, Cambridge, 1883. [Illustration] William Shakespeare. (1564-1616.) [Illustration] PROLOGUE. Most potent, grave, and Reverend Signiors, My very noble and approved good Masters Of Arts, ye Bachelors and Commoners, Ye Doctors, Proctors, Scholars, Dons, and Men, And last, not least, _Subscribers_, to whose kindness We owe our life; that we have rushed to print It is most true, true we have headlong rushed, The very head and front of our offending, Hath this extent, no more: and pray you all If any chaff be found amongst our _Parodies_, For the wheat’s sake, oh! pardon it! ――――:o:―――― [Illustration: I]N giving the following Parodies on detached passages from the plays of Shakespeare, it must be stated, (though such a statement ought to be perfectly unnecessary,) that not the slightest disrespect is intended, either to the works themselves, or to that great author whose name, and fame, are dear to every Englishman.