The following parody appeared in _Jon Duan_, one of Beeton’s Christmas Annuals. The original poem refers to General Ulysses S. Grant, President of the United States; the parody is in allusion to Mr. Albert Grant, M.P., who presented Leicester Square to the public in July, 1874, and whose name was then prominently before the public in connection with numerous financial schemes:―― “I WAS WITH GRANT.” “I was with Grant――――” the stranger said; Said McDougal, “Say no more, But come you in――I have much to ask―― And please to shut the door.” “I was with Grant――――” the stranger said; Said McDougal, “Nay, no more,―― You have seen him sit at the Emma Board? Come, draw on your mem’ry’s store. “What said my Albert――my Baron brave, Of the great financing corps? I warrant he bore him scurvily ’Midst the interruption’s roar!” “No doubt he did,” said the stranger then; “But, as I remarked before, I was with Grant――――” “Nay, nay, I know,” Said McDougal; “but tell me more.” “He’s presented another square!――I see, You’d smooth the tidings o’er―― Or started, perchance, more Water-works On the Mediterranean shore? “Or made the Credit Foncier pay, Or floated a mine with ore? Oh, tell me not he is pass’d away From his home in Kensington Gore!” “I cannot tell,” said the unknown man, “And should have remarked before, That I was with Grant――Ulysses, I mean―― In the great American war.” Then McDougal spake him never a word, But beat, with his fist, full sore The stranger who’d been with Ulysses Grant, In the great American war. _Jon Duan_, 1874. ―――――――― PLAIN LANGUAGE FROM TRUTHFUL ROBERT. (_With Apologies to Bret Harte’s “Truthful James.”_) Do I sleep? Do I dream? (I’m sarcastic, no doubt.) Are things what they seem? Or is visions about? Is our wonderful whistle a failure, and are rattle and truncheon played out? Which expressions is strong; Yet I beg to declare That the constable throng Have a grievance to air While they’re forced to meet murderous cracksmen upon terms which are far, far from fair. Charley Peaces abound In the subbubs to-day; And they’re apt, when they’re found, To go blazing away At a constable all unpertected, which the same has the worst of the fray. Can you tap a cove’s head If you’re progress is checked By the neat bit o’ lead That a Colt does eject? And when bullets is lodged in your stummick, can you tootle with proper effect?